lists

Mental Health [Monday] Tuesday

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As I’ve done for previous Mental Health Mondays, this Monday got away from me. And a day late doesn’t end the world. I think that is an important lesson to remember when things in our days get out of hand. I had three things to do yesterday and realized early on that one of them would need to be abandoned. That came with some regret, but I cannot bi-locate (yet) so choices were made. The day was still a time crunch and a lot of driving, but while I didn’t’ get something posted for yesterday, I did remain steadfast in my awareness of my mental health. I knew that I’d need to eat throughout the day. I knew that I’d need to sort out what was for dinner and get the groceries. I knew I needed to plan for the rest of the week, both at home and at work since we’re all “losing” a day to my son’s college commencement. My brother is taking the day off from work to be there, and my daughter is splitting her shift so she can be there and stay for lunch. I should get a cake, but if not, it will be okay since he’s already planning on going to the movies that night with friends. The point is, we all have stuff that comes up in the middle of our carefully laid plans, and how we adapt to them is the basis for how our mental health goes that day and possibly some of the days that follow.

It’s okay to take a break.

We watched Rogue One last night after finishing the Andor series last week, and I only spent time at the very beginning thinking about all the work I needed to be doing on my computer including this post, but I let it go.

Sometimes you can let it go.

And it’s also okay to not be okay.

Take a break.

Read a book.

Watch a movie.

Listen to music.

Stare into space.

It’s all good. Or it will be.

National Biographer’s Day

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Today is one of those made up holidays (aren’t they all) that caught my eye as I was planning the subjects for this month’s writing. I have taken a memoir class for the last thirteen years, and now that I’m working again, I won’t be able to return. This has made me fall into my feels, so I thought that memoir is very similar to biographies, and as it turns out today is National Biographer’s Day, which isn’t as generic as I thought it would be.

It commemorates the anniversary of the first day that Samuel Johnson met his biographer, James Boswell in 1763 in London. Samuel Johnson was an English writer and the biography written about him is said to be one of the most celebrated English biographies. Dr. Johnson himself was a biographer in his own right in addition to his other writing talents.

He is also known to have said that the “best biographers were those who ate, drank, and ‘lived in social intercourse’ with those about whom they wrote.”

In honor of this momentous occasion, a few thoughts, suggestions, and writing prompts:

  • 1. What is the best/most satisfying biography you’ve read?
  • 2. Whose biography would you like to read but haven’t yet?
  • 3. Begin writing a biography of someone you care about or want to discover more about.
  • 4. It’s not biography as much as autobiography or memoir, but write a few paragraphs of your own biography. Start anywhere in your life.

Spend your weekend learning about others and yourself.

Intentions-Inspirations-Resolutions

round button colored green with three sentences: 1. Ankose 2. Everything is connected 3. Tout est relie
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For readers who have been here for awhile, I rarely if ever declare or think about New Year’s Resolutions. That changes this year. After the election, I’ve been inundated with lies and misinformation, not to mention the focus on stupidity rather than real news, and I am damn sick of it. That led me to think about my life and my writing.

I may have already written about my new job, but I started working in October, and it is the kind of place that feeds my soul. I have never had a job like this before, and every day is a joy to be there, and that allows that joy to follow me home. It’s been a good couple of months.

Obviously, I’m disappointed (understatement) about the election. I hope we can get through the next two years, and use the midterm elections to return to sanity. My first Election Connection of the new year will appear in this space next Tuesday.

As I mentioned yesterday, I am really proud of my series writing, and those will continue. In addition to Election Connection, there will be more Mental Health Monday, monthly Inspired and Friday Food posts, and I’m hoping for a return to Penny Prompts – the writing prompts based on Louise Penny’s writing and her Armand Gamache mystery series.

Those are both my intentions and my inspirations and I hope to find more throughout the year. You will find more of my new year’s thoughts below the cut.

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Travel – Packing for a Road Trip

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We start planning for a vacation months in advance, right up until the moment that we actually get in the car to leave. In the last twenty years or so, I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve traveled by plane or train. We drive everywhere. This gives us a road trip model that works about 90% of the time, and with three kids that’s pretty much works out to 100% more or less.

Some of the most important things for a successful road trip never even leave the car!

You needs will, of course, vary and change over time, but these are the things I really miss when I forget them:

  • Car air Freshener – I get mine at Bath and Body Works and only one kid complains about the smell.
  • Pop Socket Holder – I like the one that slides into the vent. It is great for following directions at a glance and not fumbling with your phone. Hands-free FTW!
  • Toll transponder suction cup holder – again, keeps it hands-free, and you’re not overcharged by the rental car company using theirs.
  • Car Charger Adapter – my new one has slots for both USB and USB-C.
  • Parking pass, if needed. I have a handicapped tag, but state parks and hotels have parking passes as well.
  • Umbrella – keep it within reach or else what’s the point of it?
  • Snacks – My family criticizes but I prefer resealable 20 oz. bottles rather than cans of soda. Favorite snack: Mini twist pretzels. Least favorite snack: Cheese puff and/or doodles – I think the reasons for  this one are obvious.
Air freshener, pop socket.
(c)2024
Points 1-5.
(c)2024

Summer Intentions – It’s Never too Late to Start

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I groan when I’m asked what my intentions are at the end of my six-week memoir class. In the spring, they are called summer intentions, and, in the fall, they are winter intentions. I know that the teacher will write it down, and when we return in the next season I’m asked and draw a blank and when she reminds me from her notes I will cringe and say, “Yeah, no, I didn’t do that, but I did…” Every time. It might be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

I’m a little more focused as this summer began. I’ve set actual deadlines on the calendar.

I’ve focused on my main book while also keeping my eye out for things to pull my prayer book together.

I’ve tried to write every day, and I can almost meet that goal.

So, if things are going so swimmingly, what exactly are my intentions?

  1. Keep my morning routine – do my word puzzles, check my email, balance my checkbook, and check Threads (because I hate myself).
  2. Review my St. Kateri outline and see where my research and writing focus will be that day and week.
  3. I’ve been asked to consider leading a workshop on St. Kateri, and so I’m doing that – considering it. I would plan it for the fall, around Indigenous Peoples Day or Kateri’s canonization anniversary, but we’ll see how that advances.
  4. Read a chapter in each of the books I’m reading – one is about Israel, one is about Democracy, one is about White Poverty, and one is about Indigenous relationships plus a skimming re-read of Louise Penny’s Gamache series (there’s nothing wrong with feeding an obsession, is there?)
  5. Speaking of Louise Penny: as I was reading her books, several things jumped out at me in the way of writing prompts. The first one appears tomorrow, and they will continue weekly through September. I have aptly named them Penny Prompts. So clever 😉 And alliterate.
  6. Plan the blog at least two weeks out, including Instagram and Spotify (please check them out)
  7. And last, but not least, rescue democracy. Sunday was rough; I’ll admit it, but we’ve seen worse, and we can get through this if we remain focused. They won’t be weekly, but I plan to publish more of Election Connection. We all have work to do. I’ll repeat this over and over again: There are NO polls! The only poll that means anything is the one on November 5th. Let’s all work towards that one.

Mental Health Monday – Take a Break

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I have a list of writing that needs to be done this week or early next week. We all have that pile of stuff that needs our attention. And I just realized that I need to make a trip to the grocery store tomorrow and arrange which family member will be cooking with the least amount of pushback. These are normal things for everyone on the planet, but for some of us the anxiety can paralyze us, not always with the fear of not being able to get the items done, but with the fear of beginning. If we don’t begin, we can’t flop. If we don’t begin, we can pretend to do something more enjoyable. However, if we don’t begin, we can never get it finished.

I stepped out of my house today in exchange for the coffee shop, and got half a submission done.

I checked my planner and began to write this.

I checked my deadline calendar and decided that the next item on the list can wait until tomorrow…but should it? Well, there is one item that should take precedence, so I’m going to accept that choice and take a break for lunch and then proceed with my projects.

I said last Monday that lists are key, and I genuinely believe that.

Don’t forget to drink water, rest in between assignments, take a walk in the spring air and smell the lilacs which have just begun to bloom.

Friday Food – Idiosyncrasies

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As these come up in my life, I notice them more and more. I know that they are idiosyncratic, and some are downright weird, but they are what they are, and I thought I’d share them with you. Please share some of yours in the comments.

I call everything “jelly,” but I never buy jelly. I only buy jam or preserves.

When I add ice to my cup at McDonald’s, I always pour out a couple of cubes.

I only and always eat latkes with applesauce AND sour cream. I also eat them year-round, and more at Passover than at Chanukah.

This isn’t food related, but I put NO Chanukah ornaments on our Christmas tree.

Now that I have a collection of Big Mac Sauce packets, I bring them with me when we go to a local restaurant that has patty melts (which I love) but no Thousand Island dressing.

Food adjacent – I don’t use Saran Wrap. It never works.

I wing cooking but never baking. Baking is too precise.

I won’t eat matzo or gefilte fish after Passover. I may make an exception for matzo brei.

I only eat kosher all beef hot dogs. When people talk about not knowing what’s in their hot dogs, I have no idea what they’re talking about. My hot dogs only have beef, no fillers, no anything else. Also, Mustard only. And sauerkraut when available.

Real NY bagels – never toasted.

I love bagels and lox, but I only eat it on Fridays in Lent.

The only soda I drink is Diet Coke. Not Pepsi, not Coke Zero, not RC.

I have had a recent obsession with peanut butter and bananas – any bread including matzo. (Not pictured English muffin.)

Peanut butter and banana on a Waffle.
(c)2024
Peanut butter and banana on egg
bagel.
(c)2024
Peanut butter and banana on matzo.
(c)2024

Brand names. I am a good tryer of generic and store brand foods. Except:

  • Cream Cheese – Philadelphia Kraft
  • Macaroni & Cheese – Kraft in the blue box, 7.25 oz.
  • Butter – Land O Lakes or Cabot. Exception for Kerrygold when I have the money for it.
  • Orange Juice – Tropicana or Florida’s Natural
  • Bachman Jax Cheese Curls only.
  • Skippy Peanut Butter.
  • Pretzels – Rold Gold
  • Hot dog rolls – Martin’s Potato Long Rolls
  • Craisins – Ocean Spray only
  • This is also food adjacent: Ziploc bags and Reynold’s Aluminum Foil. Hands down, generic just doesn’t have the same strength.

Organizing for Parents

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There are so many items out there for parents to choose from for organizing their nurseries, their cars, their travel, their diaper bags that I don’t know how we get through it with our bank accounts still intact. Some things that I found were new at the time of my first born in 1997 that are now more or less standard on the lists for new parents. For example, we decided to skip the infant car seat/carrier for a convertible car seat that would last throughout our baby’s toddlerhood. What we hadn’t anticipated was that our son would be born small: 3lbs. 11oz. He swam in the convertible car seat. He swam in the infant car seat that we eventually got. “Eventually” being on the way home from the hospital and stopping at a Toys R Us to get him a more appropriately sized (and safer) car seat.

I bought many parenting books. I can’t really recommend any of the new ones as I haven’t used any of them, but the two I found the most invaluable were What to Expect When You’re Expecting and What to Expect The First Year. The toddler one was great for looking up symptoms of things and checking on developmental progression, but any of these should be used in conjunction with your pediatrician who you trust.

For our first we also had a bassinet AND a crib. We set up an entire nursery for him that he never slept in. Partly that was due to his size and need to eat throughout the night. Ultimately, we used our Graco Pack N Play as a crib most of the time. Our other two slept in our room for nearly a year, using a crib or the Pack N Play. As they get older, toddler beds are nice, but unnecessary. We used mattresses on the floor when we had two toddlers simultaneously.

Space is also a consideration. We had three kids in a two-bedroom apartment. I didn’t think much of it. When I was young, my family was comprised of three kids in a two-bedroom apartment. It was tight, and we had a storage facility for seasonal items and things we just couldn’t fit in a garden apartment with no real storage space. The polite description was that it was cozy.

We had a toddler and an infant, so a double stroller (with a car seat) was a must-have.

Some other must-haves:

  1. Sectioned diaper bags as well as a fold-up changing pad that would also function as a holder for a couple of diapers and pack of wipes to “grab & go.” You don’t always need to drag the diaper bag into every place. I also like a diaper bag that has a section just for mom: wallet, keys, sunglasses, cell phone (at a minimum) and then you don’t need to carry a purse. You’re doing enough juggling. My favorite diaper bag was one that attached easily onto the stroller. Easy to get into and it converted into a shoulder or crossbody bag for carrying.
  2. Stroller for expeditions like the mall or playground. If for nothing else, the bottom basket is great for coats, hats, diaper bag or changing pouch. I always bought attachable cup holders for my and my baby’s drinks. Most strollers have these as part of the set-up now.
  3. Snacks. If your toddler is old enough to hold it, a small plastic container works. If you’ll be doling out the snacks onto a tray, a Ziploc bag works just as well. Both can be reused.
  4. Baby Wipes. Buy the biggest pack. It will never be too many.
  5. Bibs. But not the tiny, cutesy ones that match the outfit. They’re almost useless unless you have a very drooly baby. For eating, plastic (to wipe down easily) with a pocket to catch the food. Velcro, not tie or snap.
  6. Highchair is a judgment call. We didn’t have the space for a highchair, but we did buy a portable and adjustable highchair seat. This worked just as well as a full-size highchair and could be put away when not in use. It could also travel with us when we went to Grandma’s house, which was fairly often and to restaurants, which was less so.
  7. Baskets & Open bins for easy clean-up. Store them on the bottom of a bookshelf (although make sure that the bookshelf is secured to the wall or built in) or line up in front of a wall. Even toddlers can help put things away when it’s this simple.
  8. Unless you find that your baby is fussy, you do not need a baby wipe warmer. You do, however, need a diaper pail that will deodorize the contents.
  9. A small dish drain for baby’s bottles, pacifiers, teethers, so you’re not digging through all of last night’s dishes for what you need.
  10. Towel with a hood to wrap baby up after a bath. Dries them and keeps them warm before the jammies go on.

Comments are open for questions and suggestions.

Organizing the Organization

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Wherever you look, wherever you are in the material world, in retail shops, online, and just looking around at the dining room table clutter (but that might just be me), the world is telling you to declutter and organize your stuff, from kitchenware to linen closets to offices to the stuff on top of the sofa (again, that might just be me). And amidst the clutter shaming, they tell you that they have just the right tools for you to organize not only your stuff, but the stuff your stuff goes into – organizing the organization.

Deals to Look For

I don’t know if this is still true, but the best deal on bins is at Target after Halloween. They have orange and black bins (that no one wants) for ridiculously cheap prices – less than $5 for a big bin.

Another great deal to know about is Back to School Shopping has the best deals the week after Fourth of July. Watch the ads, especially Staples. One other note, since the recession (2008), there has been almost no restocking. When they run out, it’s gone. That holds true for most things, not just back to school.

If you’re looking for a television, wait until the weeks before the Super Bowl.

Most importantly, only get what you’ll use in the next three months. You don’t need enough laundry detergent (despite what the ad says) to last through the apocalypse or Zombie invasion. The exception to this is toilet paper. After the pandemic, we always have a large package of toilet paper in reserve, so we never run out.

Where Do You Put that Stuff?

I have bins, baskets, folders, bags for this, bags for that, and what worked yesterday doesn’t always work today. It doesn’t help that I have organization envy to go along with my stationery/office supply envy. Awareness is the first step, and since my kids no longer have back to school supply shopping (everything is done on computers and laptops and Chromebooks), I’ve have been slowly going through withdrawal and mourning those days when I would spend hours (yes, hours) walking up and down each aisle in the school supply sections of Target and Walmart, and yes, even Walgreens and CVS, not to mention Staples, searching for the perfect notepad, the calendar that would get me through the year despite my proclivity to find a “better” one, a “prettier” one, one that was perfect for now, so I changed and added, and rewrote all of the information.

I finally broke myself of this financial-draining and self-defeating habit a few years ago with my calendar/planner. I used to have two (or more): One for my personal/family plans, one for my writing plans, and sometimes one for my lesson plans as a teacher, and none of the twain shall meet. At that time, however, I realized that I never used the weekly section for family plans. I might have repeated what was already on the month, but I never looked at it. That was when I decided to combine my two main calendars: family plans on the monthly section, blog plans on the weekly section, the current week tabbed with a magnetic bookmark. I’ve done this for awhile now, and it works very well. When I see a new planner that I’m drawn to, whether it’s the style, color, or organizational advantages, I walk away. I have a planner through December 31, and I am not spending money on another one. Maybe I can get that one next year. And yes, I save them all in a box in case I want to look back on blog posts even though I know I never will.

I am trying to whittle down the things I have and use to be more consistent and less wasteful. I know that as a writer, I will never run out of notebooks, journals, pens, and the like, and don’t get me started on printing, photocopies, and handouts. Although, I am in the process of reducing all of that.

This year, apart from my computer files and external hard drive, I have three main organizational items that I use regularly. They’re great for at home, they’re great for travel. Two were gifts from my husband, one for my birthday and one for Christmas: a document holder and a folio (both pictured below). I mean, I know that psychologically they make me feel more professional and think that I’ve got my act together, but still.

So…what are the main things you need for organizing your stuff.

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Mental Health Monday – Holiday Edition

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I know technically it’s Friday, but hasn’t every day this week been a Monday?

Holiday time is a struggle without the added anxiety of an anxiety disorder. Or any other mental health issue for that matter. For our family, our annual struggle to get things done has been compounded by my bout of covid which I promptly shared with my husband. Thankfully, my quarantine is over and his should end this weekend, just in time for our oldest to come for dinner. It’s a never-ending dance of “what’s for dinner?”, “when is the tree going up?*”, “we missed the last two nights of Chanukah; now what?”, and of course, the ever perennial, “who’s missing Christmas presents?”, and towards me “what to do you want for Christmas?” with the genuine answer of nothing, I have enough. I’m at an age in my life that I’m looking to eliminate the clutter and focus on what’s important right now to me. I’d rather spend time with my kids even if we’re just sitting together watching TV or reading a book.

But…no one came here to read about my-world-specific tensions. We all have our own to concern ourselves with.

Here are five suggestions that you might try to settle your mind, and if you have your own that work for you, please share them below in comments. Mental health is something that affects all of us, and we are in this together. For each other, with one another. A community if you will.

  1. Take a breath. Stop and take a breather. Sometimes that’s all you need.
  2. Journal. Stop and write down what’s affecting you. Sometimes getting out the frustrations in a positive way can get rid of the holiday blues for that moment.
  3. Can you go to your happy place for 15 minutes. A nearby park bench. A coffee shop. Window shop.
  4. Lists. You know I swear by lists. They organize but they also show me the big picture and they let me prioritize so I’m not in a constant state of forgetting something.
  5. Reward yourself. When you finish [this hard task], give yourself a reward: an episode of a favorite television show, read a book chapter, play a word game online or on paper, grab a cup of coffee or tea. Listen to the radio for 15 minutes.

The holidays should bring joy or should at least not make things worse. Remember to take care of yourself. It can be for as little as five minutes to reset your mood and get back on track.

And there’s nothing wrong with a midday nap. Try it out.

Happy Advent and everything that follows.

Advent Wreath.
(c)2023

*We did manage to get our tree up with one child setting it up, and one putting on the lights. We’ll put the ornaments on tomorrow when we’re all together.*