advice

A Sweater

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Always, always, always bring a sweater with you no matter what the temperature is outside or where you are going.

If you don’t need it and you have it anyway, you don’t need it.

If you do need it, and you don’t have it, you will be miserable for the rest of the time you are in a place.

My car is boiling hot, but the Starbucks I’ve been in for the last hour or so and plan to be in for the next forty or so minutes is freezing, and it just started getting cold.

There’s a reason Grandmas tell you to wear a sweater, and it’s not modesty.

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UFYH – A Site to Help Organize and Clean Your Habitat

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UFYH stands for Unfuck Your Habitat. It’s a great place for real solutions to real problems of all sizes and clutter levels using real talk. This is your warning for language as you can see by the site’s name.

Some quick links, but visit the site yourself to get the most out of it.

About UFYH – as it says in this about section, this Tumblr (and related app for $.99) is for motivation, support, and accountability.
Welcome Packet

One good start is what the blogger calls a 20/10. Twenty minutes cleaning/ten minute break.

Start with small chunks and you’ll be on your way.

Good luck to getting your life (and stuff) more organized and less cluttered.

T-minus 9 Hours – Getting Ready for GishWhes

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T-minus 9 hours, 8 minutes and counting.

The item list goes live Saturday morning. After we crash the site a few times, we can sign in and see this year’s items. I’m told to expect over 200 items to choose from. Even with fifteen people on a team, no one group has ever completed every item. Fortunately, that’s not the objective.

I expect to talk more about how this week will be going, and I’ll try to post some pictures of some items-in-progress. We can’t share submissions (or finished items to be on the safe side) until after the hunt is over next Saturday.

I thought I’d share how to get ready for GishWhes and what to expect, at least in my little corner of the world.

For starters, I try not to panic. This is my third year, and what I’ve discovered in the last two hunts was that I’m gung-ho, planning, organizing, plotting, and then on Tuesday I’m wiped out. Like wiped out to the point that I wish everyone a good weekend, not realizing that the weekend is a long way from Tuesday.

Each year the hunt is different. As I said, this is my third year, and my third team. This is the first year that my team kind of knows each other. We can thank our teammate, D for that. She wanted to get a group together early, so we’ve been getting to know each other since registration opened. I really like my team. We’re a good group of people. Our teammates are based in CA, CO, TX, NJ, NY, GA, and Denmark. We have two sets of husbands & wives. I think we have a total of 12 kids between us to help us out. Usually, I’m the only one with kids, so this is kind of novel to me.

There were some problems last year (in general, not with my team) with the Shatnerhate, bullying sci-fi writers, and a more competitive streak than I think is intended. Some people spend a ton of money, some don’t sleep.

Personally, I don’t go that far. I’m in it for the fun, the stepping outside of my comfort zone, new experiences, and the new friends I’ll meet. That doesn’t mean that I’m not competitive. Once I get started, I want to keep going and take on more items than my original choices. My average is about ten items each year.

I don’t have a lot of money to spend, and at almost fifty (that really hurt to type), I need my sleep. I have high blood pressure and depression and three kids that pop in and out of the hunt with their needs. Don’t they understand that Misha needs me this week?!

Last year, I spent $14 and the year before I spent $28. I don’t think that’s too much to contribute. I also conscripted my kids into helping where I thought they could. Whether they wanted to or not.

This year, I’ve already spent $30 for my team t-shirt and a team pin. My shirt was a little more expensive than my teammates because I didn’t want white and I needed a larger size. I’m also a pinaholic. I got t-shirts for my two youngest kids as well, but that doesn’t count as part of my gishwhes budget.

I was informed that the gishbot (the computer that assigns teams and stuff) marked me with a star which means I’m the team captain. I have no idea how they arrived at this decision or what it means. Like most things GishWhes related, there is no rhyme or reason. My teammate declared that I needed to make a captain’s hat, which I spent today doing:

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I’ve already told my husband and kids that tomorrow morning right before 9am, I will need my actual computer to access the team documents, my Facebook, and the item list.

Every year, the item list is full of surprises. However, there are some things that you will always need, and they will always be on the item list:

1. Kale

2. Sanitary napkins

3. Children and/or Old People

4. A Twitter item

5. A Stormtrooper item. Yes, from Star Wars. The 501st Legion has contacts to help out any teams that ask, and that they are able to help. They are very generous with their time, and do  help when they can.

6. Sock Monkeys

7. A Hair Item. It’s actually time for me to get my haircut but I’m going to wait until after the hunt in case I need to do something for my team. (NOTE: I will NOT shave my head)

8. There is a messy item – like death by chocolate and the elderly mud wrestling. See item #3. They might be related.

9. Some kind of Supernatural co-star harassment.
10. Other CW show involvement and/or harassment.

11. And of course, acts of kindness

Other useful items to have on hand include:

1. Chargers in a handy place for my phone, Kindle, and camera

2. 1st Aid supplies. If I have them, no one will need them, and the reverse is also true.

3. About $10-15 in cash

4. Granola bars and water bottles

5. Duct tape

6. Ziploc bags. Quart is the most universal size, freezer is the sturdiest. Use the zipper ones, not the slide; they are more secure.

7. Wet wipes, and whatever I have prepared won’t be enough

8. Make a list of local people and their skills/connections. Meet people and network.

9. Imgur, YouTube accounts for the Team. This year having a Tumblr is a good idea but not required

10. Internet Access

11. A Group Facebook and a Group Google Docs is an extremely helpful way to communicate and keep track of your submissions. (Make sure everyone on the team knows all the user names and passwords.)

12. Some way to take videos and photos. Last year, I used my cell phone for everything when I couldn’t find my camera. This year, I’m planning on using my camera – a Nikon Coolpix. Depending on what i”m photographing, I might also use my Kindle.

You’re never prepared enough, but it’s a good way to see how you work (and play) under pressure.

I think I’m ready. No, no, really, I think I’m ready, but we’ll find out tomorrow at 9am!

Make Self-Care a Thing

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Why is so hard to put ourselves first; to take care of our own needs? Most of us usually wait until the stress has hit its boiling point. Instead of letting it go that far, it would be better to take care of ourselves along the way. That won’t eliminate all the stress and angst, but it can go a long way in alleviating those feelings of being put upon.

Some things that might work for you:

  1. Tune-out. Turn off the television, the internet, the cell phone. Find a quiet spot to just close your eyes for at least ten minutes. [Note: I have to mention that when I wrote this in my notebook, I wrote ten months. That might be a bit excessive. ;)]
  2. Re-read a favorite book. The one that I go back to every year or so is Here Be Dragons by Sharon Kay Penman.
  3. Go outside and sit. If it’s a cooler day, wear a lightweight jacket, gloves and a jaunty hat. Watch the wildlife scurry by and the birds glide, counting leaves, following the branches as they reach towards the sky.
  4. Listen to music. Mumford and Sons, Adele, Classic Rock – whatever floats your boat. Pop in your earphones and put your playlist on shuffle.
  5. I used to love this and you could do the pages as backgrounds without even having the pictures ready. Check out Creative Memories for supplies and ideas.
  6. Wander around a local museum or a large library or other interesting places in your local area.
  7. Take yourself to the movies. Have popcorn.
  8. Netflix. Catch up on a series you’ve always wanted to watch. Orange is the New Black anyone? Or re-watch a childhood favorite. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Escape to Witch Mountain are two of my favorites; or catch something new like Catching Fire.

One of the things that I do in an attempt at taking care of myself is my recent retreat. That’s a week while the kids are in school, but I also take a day and attend a local flower show in the spring.

As I’ve mentioned before, I visit Starbucks, less now because of finances, but it is still something I consider a special treat and self-care place.

My attendance at Mass will usually put things into perspective for me as well as centering my spirit and preparing me for the day.

I feel sometimes that I don’t have the time for me, but I think the bigger problem is whatever I’m doing gets interrupted and restarted and usually I’ okay with that kind of multi-tasking, but sometimes I’m the guy from Network.

I think I’ll take an hour and catch up on Constantine.

Rec – Mental Health Resources

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First and foremost, if you are in immediate danger to yourself or others, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

After my best friend, this was the second number in my speed dial directly after my diagnosis. My doctor told me that the medicine would help, but first, I would feel better about suicide and to be sure to have that number handy. Depression is a scary place, but it is much less scary in the light, and diagnosed and treated than hidden away or hiding from it.

Second, I think that these resources can be used successfully by all varieties of mental illness and mental health issues. We are all individuals and react differently to different stimulus. Try it, and if you don’t like it, try something else. You will find the support you need.

Some of the other resources/strategies I’ve found helpful:

1. I found wandering into church a good place to sit and contemplate. You don’t have to be a Christian to do this by the way. I knew, but it was confirmed the first several times I went during an off-hour that no one will bother you. No one will interrupt your contemplation, meditation, prayer. No one will ask you to leave and no one will ask you why you are there. It gave me a place to go when I had nowhere to go just to be, and to think.

2. Be alone in a crowd. I’ve recommended Starbucks before, and for a $2 cup of coffee you can sit and sip as long as you like in most places.

3. My Resource List (link here and on the left). There are phone numbers for depression hotlines, suicide prevention, grief support, and I hope to add more websites. Please comment with those that have helped you, and I can add them to my list. Currently, it’s exclusive to the US, but if my readers are from elsewhere in the world and want to share their resources, I will be glad to add them.

4. I get a lot out of writing therapy. It’s not necessarily a diary or journal, but all kinds of writing makes me feel alive. Is there something that you love to do? Try it again.

5. Later on this afternoon, I’ll be posting a Coping Skills Toolbox that I found online. This is an excellent resource and a positive thing you can do to help for those rough patches.

 

Good luck and my best to all of you.

 

You Clean Up Good – 8 Hygiene Tricks for People with Body Issues

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This was written by a friend of mine, and he’s given me permission to share it with you.

For whatever reason that you find it hard to clean up (one of my sporadic issues (I do have more than one) is that I have a water phobia, and the act of getting in the shower is just too much sometimes, and to be honest, that is minor compared to others’ reactions), these eight tricks and tips might be helpful.

PTSD, traumatic memories, abuse, scars, eating disorders, phobias, delusions, anxiety, body image issues, gender or other dysmorphia…there are plenty of reasons that for some people, naked is HARD.  And forced to confront your naked body directly enough to clean it is HARDER.  But life doesn’t have a lot of room for people who struggle with basic hygiene, and even if you don’t deal with other people, there is a point where if you don’t clean yourself, you become at risk for skin infections and other issues, so I thought I’d offer a few tips, some from personal experience, some from my therapist because this is a thing I’ve struggled with myself:

  1. Love your products.For me, it’s LUSH stuff.  I love the way that shit smells, the way it feels, the textures, the colors, everything.  Even the company policies and marketing.  I want to smell like that and put it all over me.  If you’re already struggling, you don’t need to be gagging on the smell or shuddering from the texture of dollar store body wash.  If there’s any way you can afford it or find free samples or anything, use whatever products you love most.
  2. Distance yourself.If touching your body bothers you, use a loofa, a puff, or a brush instead of your bare hand or a thin cloth or mitt.
  3. Turn the lights off and cover the mirrors.It may seem silly, but sometimes just not seeing can help.  If you can’t do it in the dark or if total dark freaks you out, try a candle (outside the shower) or nightlight. Mirrors should be self explanatory, especially because bathroom light is often very unflattering.
  4. Don’t tempt yourself.If you have a history of or urges towards self harm, don’t have razors, scrubs, or harsh sponges/scrubbers in the shower or in easy reach after.
  5. Distract yourself.Get a waterproof case for your phone.  Sing in the shower.  Draw on the wall with soap crayons.  Draw on YOU with soap crayons.  Have an audiobook.  Use the time to drill yourself on trivia, prep for a test, or work on that thing you’re writing.  Try to remember the alphabet backwards in another language.
  6. Ink up.If you can and are so inclined, consider getting one or more tattoos.  They can give you a real sense of positive ownership of your body, and you can focus on the art and its meaning when you see yourself naked rather than paying attention to the canvas.
  7. Set a timer.  Things are often a billion times more endurable if you know when they’ll end, having to rush can sometimes help keep you from dwelling on emotions, and it helps prevent zoning out and getting the shitty surprise when the hot water runs out.
  8. Make it necessary.  Paint on yourself or sharpie on yourself.  Pour on something with a gross texture like lube or vegetable oil.  Put paint in your hair.  The focus on getting ____ off can help, and it makes it harder to keep finding reasons to not.

Sometimes, though it’s not going to happen.  So consider a dry shampoo or dry body wash, a quick change of clothes, some extra deodorant, a spritz of body spray, some powder, and try again tomorrow.  You’re not a failure because today didn’t happen, and succeeding tomorrow is not lessened by today.

And if you do it, reward yourself.  You deserve it.  You did the thing and it was a hard thing, and that’s awesome.

 

Source: Andrew Blake (http://andythanfiction.tumblr.com/post/92761622197/you-clean-up-good-8-hygiene-tricks-for-people-with)