Choices

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I’m beginning my year by finishing some of my projects from the end of the last one. Right before Thanksgiving, I made my final list for the things that needed to get done  for the next three holidays and the end of the year: Gifts to buy, gifts to wrap, teachers’ gifts, mail carrier, hairdresser, my priest, baking, Thanksgiving dinner, Chanukah, latkes, Christmas dinner, Christmas Masses, school responsibilities, holiday cards, clean the house, grocery shopping, and oh yeah, I’ve got that retreat at the Dominican Center exactly between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Too many things to do. Something had to give. I needed this retreat. It was not only spiritual, it was a writing retreat. It was the very things I needed at this time of year, my everything, but did I really have the time for it?

Baking. I decided quite dramatically to skip baking this year. How would the holiday season go on without home baked goods for the teachers and Fr. J and F and the kids?

And then something happened.

It wasn’t that I didn’t care anymore, but…

I. Didn’t. Care. Anymore.

In a good way.

I tried it on for size a couple of times, and made sure that my family knew my intentions. I would not be baking. Except…except for Santa; no cookies, no breads, no nuts, and no caramel. And believe it or not, I was okay with it. I really was.

Not only was this writing retreat exactly what I needed and wanted and longed for, I got more out of it than I expected or could have hoped for.

The quiet inspiration of the poem that prompted us. The prayers. The new friend(s). The peace. There was not a moment all weekend that did not speak to me and reward me for making this choice.

Over the weekend, I was introduced to an inspirational speaker, Rob Bell. His videos are very inspirational and thought-provoking and thoughtful. So much to think about and meditate on. One of those videos was Shells. Please follow the link – it is well worth your ten minutes.

Spoilers to follow: Listening to him talk about the shells and his son’s frustration at not being able to grasp the starfish because his hands were full of shells – well, that moment was like a hammer to my head. My eyes welled up with tears with the pronouncement, no the admission to myself that you can’t do everything. Even if you want to do it or it’s the good thing that you’ve been waiting to do, you can’t do it all.

Choices must be made, and the realization that my no baking mantra of the previous two weeks was more than selfish, it was more than for me, it was important. The revelation that I had made the right choice, and that I could do it again was overwhelming and freeing.

Writing Retreat Weekend, Day 2

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Outside
I took a quick walk around the front of the retreat center. It was a beautiful day, and I should have walked more than I did, but my legs have been giving me a lot of trouble this weekend. I’m not sure why, so with Christmas in just about two weeks, I had better play it safe.

The sun was bright, the sky that perfect blue. I had intended to wander down to this cross that was carved out of the tree stump, but they’ve removed all of the benches. I’m assuming that is to get the grounds ready for winter.

However, that didn’t stop me from checking this out and another tree stump on my way back up to the picnic table. I sat out there reading for a bit, and was so enthralled with what I was reading that the retreat director had to come out and get me for lunch!

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We continued our writing with courage and hope. There are so many things that I’m feeling. Talking to my tablemates and hearing different things from the video (Rob Bell – I believe you can look him up on You Tube) and the musical selections like Star Child by David Haas.

I’m hoping this weekend gives me the push and the anchor that gets me through the rest of the year.

Writing Retreat Weekend, Day 1

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Day 1 is really one session in the evening. We arrive after we have our own dinners, get our name tags, meet the retreat director, and get our first prompt: tenderness.

I have finally accepted the free-writing, stream of consciousness form as my go-to for a first draft. I’ve only been doing it for about three years; it’s about time I got used to it.

I spent twenty minutes writing about my daughter and pajamas and shopping in Target. I will share another time how that adds up to tenderness.

All of our prompts will be based on what M has written on the white board:

What is Christmas?

It is tenderness for the past
courage for the present
hope for the future
and that every path may lead to peace.

-Agnes M. Pharo

The Scripture read  in regards to this prompt was of the Visitation when pregnant Mary visits her pregnant cousin Elizabeth. Remember that Elizabeth is the mother of John the Baptist.

We are in a Dominican Retreat House, so there is definitely a spiritual tone to everything we do this weekend. To be honest, spirituality and writing are the two things that can be brought to anything else; to everything else.

I’m going to retire early – the rising bell rings at 7:45 in the morning. I’ve also want to get back to the First Book of the Macabees, which I’ve been reading today (it is Chanukah after all), and I’d like to finish it. I’m also in the middle of an historical account of four women soldiers/spies during the Civil War as well.

I’m not relaxed per se, but I’m also not thinking about what I need to do between now and Christmas Eve. I think I’ve got it handled. And if I don’t my elves at home will be happy to help me. I have confidence in them.

Tomorrow brings French toast for breakfast, two writing sessions, a walk around the grounds and Mass. There is a cross with a bench for meditation that I’d like to sit by with my journal. I also have my sketchbook and my colored pencils, so I may foray into a little drawing.

I’m alone on this side of the building, but I’m muddling through the anxiety. It’s a lovely room. It reminds me of the hostel in Manchester, England that I stayed at without the underlying prison cell feel. This room actually feels much more comfortable. There’s a bed, a gold upholstered chair that rocks – it reminds me of my Aunt Goldie’s house. There is also a desk and adjacent to the closet is a sink with towels and a mirror. Plenty of light and a Bible round out the place.

I feel good about this retreat weekend.

Is It Civilization if There is No Internet?

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Every year we travel to my mother-in-law’s for Thanksgiving. We visit with her and my brother-in-law and see my brother, sister and nieces on the weekend. It’s wonderful and a lot of fun, and we hang out and play, watch the parade, take pictures, visit the cemetery as people are wont to do on the holidays, and go shopping. It’s all very civilized. We actually did pretty well this Black Friday. We started at 1pm, finished and home by 3. Gotta love Target’s two day sale! We did a proper Black Friday once. It was actually a lot of fun. The kids were little, and we were finished before 7am and went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. It was still barely light out.

The one challenge we do have every year is that all of us are connected. My daughter wants to video chat with her new friend. My son wants to watch You Tube. My other son wants to keep in touch with his friends who were home from college and catch up on his medical/paramedical podcasts. My husband and I also have our digital vices.

Unfortunately, my mother-in-law is not connected. To anything. No internet. In fact, all her neighbors have password protected wifi. I’m usually against ‘borrowing’ other people’s internet, but this might be classified as an emergency. Sadly, we do not know their passwords.

It’s almost impossible in this tech centered world we live in to gauge the amount of time we spend online or attached to some sort of social media site. Our friends are so far flung out that we almost forget how far they really are because they are always so present in our daily lives.

Well, during Thanksgiving week, we do know. Apparently, I check my Facebook and Tumblr first thing when I wake up. I post about my day all throughout the day, and I attempt to blog here every day. Every. Day. This is not usually such a challenge except for the pesky writing bit, but during Thanksgiving week I am finding it next to impossible and have to adopt a new writing ritual.

I spend my afternoon thinking about what I want to write about, and then I spend the evening typing and editing and rewriting, and then proofreading, saving, etc. I can set it up and find my photos in the gallery from earlier that day or the day before that goes well with my words on the page…er….screen, and then there is the frantic attempt to find wifi the next morning. The kids ask constantly – do they have wifi wherever we go They do, but can you use it is the real question.

The first place I posted from was the local Starbucks. I had a free drink waiting, so it didn’t cost anything, but we did look kind of stereotypical, out of touch, constantly attached to the digital world, forgetting about the “real” world or meatspace. It’s Thanksgiving morning and all five of us were crammed into a small booth, each with our faces buried in our various smartphones and/or tablets/Kindle Fires. At one point, I noticed the family of three sitting next to us. They had a coffee and the boy was on a smartphone. I can almost always tell when someone is watching me (although I think they were checking out my keyboard), so I looked up and caught the mom’s eye. I laughed, she laughed, and then I even said, I know we look ridiculous but my mother in law has no internet. She laughed. She seemed to understand our predicament.

The second day I was more ready. I had everything set up as a draft in Word Press and as soon as we got to DQ (Dairy Queen) for lunch, I connected and hit publish. Easiest five minutes I’ve ever spent.

At this point, my kids were having trouble connecting their devices. Mine remembered from our visit in the spring, so it just automatically connected. I was online in a matter of seconds.

Today, this will be posted from my brother’s dojo. He has internet, wifi, but he hates that we come to visit and use it and go online, but it is our only opportunity to get our stuff done. Yesterday when I connected at DQ, I had fifty-eight emails waiting to be read, and that was with checking them on my 4G phone earlier. (The 4G kills the battery, and I can’t post to WP with that – that’s why I don’t use it as often as my keyboard and kindle.

We go home tomorrow for The Walking Dead and Pizza Hut’s Triple Treat.

The question in the title must still be answered:

As civilized as we’ve become and continuing to become, is it really civilized if there is no access to the internet?

The answer remains to be seen.

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Nanowrimo and Blogwrimo

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Well, it’s that time of year again. Nanowrimo. NAtional NOvel WRiting MOnth. Every November, several hundreds of potential writers huddle around their writing implements and write. The goal is 50,000 words before November 30th. All new. Begin writing on November 1st, put your pencils (quills or keyboards) down, time’s up on November 30th and you should have the makings of a real novel, ready for the editing process.

This works for some people. I’ve done it twice officially, and for the first two weeks, I went like gangbusters. Eventually, I slowed down, but we all have our paces and our non-writing lives to put up with. In my case, I have a family with three children and my blog and church responsibilities, and even with an extraordinary amount of help from my husband, it can still be a handful to get the incentive to just sit down and write.

Hence, why today I am at the library where there is no television and no bag of Doritos calling my name.

I hesitate to sign up for Nanowrimo officially this year. One of the benefits of signing up are the weekly emails I would get from published writers with their own versions of hang in there. They are less intimidating and more inspiring and some days that’s all you need to get on the writing train.

My Nanowrimo this year is me working two times a week on my books. I have one on my home buying experience – very bad, and one on my visit to Wales and what Wales is to me – very good. Guess which one I’d rather work on? This fall, beginning this month, I’m going to carve out periods of my day where all I do are those two books. Thoughts, outlines, quotations, research. Some of that I may share here as book excerpts.

Another goal for November is to redesign my weekly format here. For example, I think I’m going to make Thursday Travels a regular weekly feature. I am going to have weekly features M-F, possibly adding odds and ends on the weekend. Please, please let me know what you like and how you feel about the format. If you’re not reading, I’m not doing my job, ad I’m willing to accept feedback and suggestions to make this site better.

Vocabulary is something else. You may notice that I usually refer to this as a site rather than a blog. I’m more comfortable in this Word Press format, but I’m trying to make this more of a website, a go-to place. I try to have pages for information and topics like my Crisis Intervention Page, my Photo Credits page, and a new page I’m opening up for my Books Read and Movies Watched. There are many things I want to do with my time here, and one of those is becoming a resource. After years of people coming to me to find out where kids eat free or how to make that smiley face on a text, I think I might create that kind of a resource here, especially for the things that I love and that I love to share like traveling, my spiritual journey and writing.

I’m also including more of my own photographs as well.

This fall season has been phenomenal for family viewing and fandom communion (in a non-religious sense). My two main shows, The Walking Dead and Supernatural are in supreme shape. I’m loving every episode and I have meta coming out of my ears. This will benefit those of you who like the fandom posts. I will probably add a weekly fandom feature, possibly more than once a week if the shows warrant it. I’m also working on some reviews of those lesser known shows like iZombie and Major Crimes. If you love fandom stuff or don’t like it as much as me, I still want to know how you feel so I can include all my readers into the most posts.

All in all, I’m hoping to make a site that people enjoy coming to and sharing.

Link: Wil Wheaton: You Can’t Pay Your Rent with the Unique Platform and Reach our Site Provides

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Link: Wil Wheaton: You Can’t Pay Your Rent with the Unique Platform and Reach our Site Provides

I have actually learned more about writing professionally from Wil Wheaton than from any other individual source. He speaks on my level and he speaks honestly. He introduced me to POD (print on demand), and being my own best marketer. He’s led the way in new media and I’ve watched him traverse the new social media and show how to benefit from it, and is as close to a mentor as I could find in someone I’ve never met. I am full of respect for him, especially when he tells new writers how to be better writers and business people.

If you’re a writer and you’re not following him, you should.

A Barrel of Joy

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I had a ten minute conversation on where I wanted to eat lunch, most of that with myself.   I finally decided on Cracker Barrel. Good food, reasonable prices, good atmosphere for writing. I have my rituals for pretty much every place I go. Cracker Barrel is a glance around the store and a trip to the bathroom before I get settled in my seat with whatever I’ve brought to do. Today it was my kindle and keyboard.

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My Fandom History, Abridged Version

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In high school I wrote fan fiction (although we didn’t call it that then) for The White Shadow.; Mary Sue self-insert. I wrote RPG spy fiction. Again Mary Sue self-insert, but with a little more character development. I wrote band fic; less Mary Sue, more career exploration. I was a photojournalist for the opening act, and I guess except for the band, I kind of try to do that now with my blog. It reminds me of the inspiration and the you can do anything feeling that I forgot about in my thirties.

I like to think I’ve gotten better, both as a writer and a creator of original content. Those three examples are not something I usually share. It’s in the embarrassing box of teen angst, and hiding my fan side in the closet. It’s okay with certain people, but not others, and that’s how we give off the aloof, quiet, introvert vibe. Some of us are those things, but as a whole, fans are exuberant and fun and loud; very loud.

My first fandom was Star Trek. I was in every aspect of fandom. I watched every episode multiple times, I knew every episode by heart, I learned Klingon, I went to conventions. I bought the books and set my clock by Starlog’s publication date. Star Trek led me into every other science-fiction/fantasy from space to dragons to magic to time travel. There were watching parties, and special menus for mystery dinner nights. I could recognize later generation actors out of their makeup by their voices or body language. I’ve stood hours in line for autographs, but in those early days, we didn’t pay for them.

As a TV junkie, I’ve followed many actors on their careers. Shaun Cassidy for one; William Shatner and George Takei for others. I’ve gone in and out of fandoms, although most of them continue to have a place in my heart. I was recently reminded of H.R. Pufnstuf, one of my favorite shows and Land of the Lost by the same team of Sid & Marty Kroft.

I belonged to the SCA, which in and of itself is its own fandom; the fandom of medieval history. I’d claim to be a history buff and a political junkie, but those are just different words for fan and for the fandoms.

Fandom now is far more extensive and out in the open than I ever imagined it would be. There are mainstream stores in the malls dedicated to them: Hot Topic, and you can find licensed merchandise from Minecraft to Lego to DC and Marvel Comics franchises in Wal-Mart and Target. You can’t get more mainstream than that.

When my daughter was three, I found a beautiful, mostly historic rendition of a velvet scarlet Spanish Renaissance gown with a matching velvet tiara for Halloween. That was in Target, and it was less than $20. It would have cost three times that or more for me to make it for her. The only princess costume I could ever wear as a child growing up were those plastic ones of Sleeping Beauty. My face still gets hot when I even think about it.

We’re not embarrassed to say our pop culture loves, and there is no wrong way to be in fandom. Many of us wax and wane on our involvement, and which fandom gets the most attention at one time.

Harry Potter was the book series that brought me into today’s fandom. It was loaned from a friend who thought I might like it. I did. With Harry Potter came movies – in fact, Prisoner of Azkaban was the first movie I ever attended alone. In addition to the movies, I discovered a whole new world on Live Journal of fan fiction, and from there found other fans, and groups, and sub-fandoms, and meta – the analysis of the details. No longer would the minutia of details be relegated to small groups meeting in basements and youth centers once a week or month. Now, the minutia is everywhere. There are headcanons and alternate universes (AUs). There are wikis for individual television shows, movies, and comic book characters. There are kinks and squicks, which aren’t always sexual in nature, but preferential, and their are triggers and spoiler etiquette.

I hear my non-fandom friends expressing fandom sentiments like canon and ships. Many of my closest friends are originally from fandom. What we’ve discovered in fandom is that in addition to our mutual love of fandom, we also have families and jobs and our mundane life doesn’t need to be so mundane as our friendships broaden and include people from across the country and around the world who we never would have met if not for our intersecting fandoms. In turn, we share our views and our values, we accept and learn.

I would say that the fandom I am most involved in is Supernatural. I’m sure most people would have guessed The Walking Dead, and while I do consider myself in that fandom, I don’t get to meet and know the people who are also in it except for Norman ReedusFacebook and Instagram.
With Supernatural, there is tumblr, conventions (even though I don’t attend), watching parties, meta, fan fiction, discussions, speculation, compassion and kindness. Every day I witness those last two in the fandom. It was there already, but is even more pronounced with Misha Collins’ charity, Random Acts and gishwhes, his annual scavenger hunt.

Supernatural showed me a literal whole new world, and was instrumental in my recovery from depression. I love the shows, I love the plots and the characters and the fan family, but I also keep Supernatural on as my background noise. I know many of the episodes so it doesn’t interfere with my writing or my living for the most part, but the voices give me the soft comfort, the hand on my shoulder, the short, quick hug when I need it. We all must have something like that in our lives, and for me, Supernatural is it.

Fandom is here to stay, and I for one, am glad of it. It is so much of my life that I forget when I’m talking to a non-fandom person that they don’t know the details; that the casual viewer doesn’t recognize the reference back three seasons, or the foreshadowing.

Fandom is a life unto itself, and a life unto others. It is supportive and comfort in a loud, sometimes angry world. It can be hope and faith, some of the things that most of my fandoms ascribe to be; a better world in the future, a future of exploration and creating; of ideals and compassion, and so many of the things we embrace and try to emulate in our own lives.

Fall Television, Mondays, and October

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I mentioned last week that I was out of town, and so I missed a few days here. My plan for the fall is to have new posts Monday through Friday, and see how that schedule goes for me, as, a writer and you, the reader. I’ll be putting up a poll later to see which of those daily features you’d like me to continue this season.

Each week, I have tried to choose a theme and keep it in mind to focus on. October is one of those extremely busy months in actual activities in my life, and monthly awareness in the world. World Mental Health Day was just a few days ago. October recognizes awareness and celebrations of:

Breast Cancer
Domestic Violence
Fire Prevention and Safety
LGBT History
Black History in the UK
Literacy
Pregnancy and Infant Loss
The Holy Rosary

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day and today is Columbus Day in the US, Thanksgiving in Canada, and Day of the Race in Mexico.

October is also ridiculously busy for me with family fun and stuff going on at the schools with fall festivals, back to school nights, recreation nights, eight week writing workshop, applepicking, my son’s birthday, Halloween, and this year, our school district celebrated its Centennial.

Busy.

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