The Other Side of Thanksgiving


Thanksgiving today is fraught with its past and the reckoning that is still to come in many ways.

For those of us who grew up in non-Christian households, Thanksgiving was and is the great equalizer. We can all celebrate it without the religious baggage and without not fitting in. We gather as a family, we express our gratitude and our love, and it’s the one day of the year that nearly everyone has the day off, at least until a couple of years ago when retailers began to open on Thanksgiving Day.

There are of course exceptions, but it is a day for everyone.

Of course, that is also not the entire story. From the Native American prospective, settlers coming to the new world caused trauma beyond belief. We are only beginning to open up and discuss and educate ourselves to be inclusive, but also to move forward as a country.

While I believe the original Thanksgiving story despite knowing its clear embelllishments, I think it’s important to distinguish between the Columbus and future expeditions’ theft of land and genocide and that early settlers and Native Indians, as they were known at the time, did work together, and to celebrate the help that the Native Peoples gave to the Pilgrims should be recognized. The Pilgrims, and other Native-friendly settlers wouldn’t have survived the new world without the help of the indigenous people already living here.

Here are two ways to begin educating ourselves:

Native American Tribal Map

Thirty Everyday Phrases that Perpetuate the Oppression of Indigenous Peoples

How Can We Win – Kimberly Jones

The following video is an emotional and profound witnessing in the day or so after rioting in Minneapolis. Watch it. Listen to it. Take it to heart.
Below the video are additional Twitter follows that I’ve added to Wednesday’s posts as well as three Wikipedia links to three abhorrent acts of racist terrorism, two of which Ms. Jones mentions in her video. I would remind readers that Wikipedia is a first step in learning and understanding about anything. It gives the gist and then more reading can follow. When people ask what’s the big deal about President Trump’s rallies and convention speech in the places and dates chosen, this is your opportunity to know the racist history. Kimberly Jones Matthew Cherry Ava DuVernay Nikole Hannah Jones (Ida Bae Wells) Michele Norris   Rosewood Massacre (FL) Tulsa Race Massacre (OK) Ax Handle Saturday (FL)

Election Connection – 21 Weeks – Anti-Racist Resources


With the surge of justice Twitter, Black Lives Matter, Defund the Police, Vote, we are being bombarded with some messages that we may not have been exposed to before.

For those of us who are white, it is time to stop talking and listen to the voices of the black experience. What follows is several resources that I have found in the last week simply by listening to those voices.

Later this week, I will share some people to follow on social media (primarily Twitter). Please contact me through comments or email with any suggestions of black voices that you want amplified.



Racial Inequality and Injustice – A Panel facilitated by Misha Collins through GISH (his charity scavenger hunt)

NAMI’s Statement on Recent Racist Incidents and Mental Health Resources for African Americans (this link is a repost from yesterday)

The Anti-Racist Starter Kit by Brea Baker

5 Ways to Better Support the Movement

10 Documentaries to Watch About Race Instead of Asking a Person of Colour to Explain Things For You

Baratunde’s World-Saving Books

Unlearning and Relearning Through Literature (Victoria Alexander’s Twitter Link)

Anti-Racist Resource Guide created by Victoria Alexander, MEd

Anti-Racism Resources for White People

Obama Book Club


Entertainment Weekly’s Book Recommendations from President Obama

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

These are just some of the accolades for this book:

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER | NATIONAL BOOK AWARD WINNER | NAACP IMAGE AWARD WINNER | PULITZER PRIZE FINALIST | NATIONAL BOOK CRITICS CIRCLE AWARD FINALIST | NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The New York Times Book Review • O: The Oprah Magazine • The Washington Post • People • Entertainment Weekly • Vogue • Los Angeles Times • San Francisco Chronicle • Chicago Tribune • New York • Newsday • Library Journal • Publishers Weekly

Hailed by Toni Morrison as “required reading,” a bold and personal literary exploration of America’s racial history by “the single best writer on the subject of race in the United States” (The New York Observer)

– – –

These were the words that stood out most to me when I read this book: “This is your country, this is your world, this is your body, and you must find some way to live within the all of it.”

I found it profound reading as someone who didn’t experience racial bias in the same ways as African-Americans. It gave me an insight that I hadn’t gotten before through television discussions.

I first became familiar with Ta-Nehisi Coates’ work through his appearances on several political talk shows. I liked, and still like, his straight-forwardness and truth telling as he expresses his experiences, his hopes for his children as well as a warning primer which should not be in any child’s vocabulary or life sphere.

The President and I read this for different reasons, and from different perspectives, but in recommending it I feel that we both expect our readers to take a look at and absorb what is happening in families right now. We were all part of the problem; it is time for all of us to be the solution.

Emotional Roller Coasters


This has been one of those crazy busy weeks. For the last three I’ve resorted to lists that included absolutely everything that I needed to remember, even consisting of using the bathroom, sleeping and eating breakfast. This is where my anxiety meets the normal end of year stress and they compete for which is going to make me the most miserable and forgetful.

Since Monday, we’ve had the last day of school, report cards, forgetting and then buying the teachers’ gifts not to mention the bus driver’s who should be nominated for sainthood. We’ve had a broken bicycle, my middle child’s DARE graduation and 5th grade moving up day, my oldest child’s high school graduation plus keeping track of all the parties he’s expecting to go to this weekend. We had my brother visit for about twenty-eight hours (to attend the aforementioned graduation) and my youngest child’s doctor’s appointment for her yearly physical. I had planned on sleeping late Friday since I forgot about the doctor, and then I was going to just veg out at home for the rest of the afternoon, ignoring everyone at home and on the internet.

However, the internet had other plans for me. Reverend Clementa Pinckney”s funeral with President Obama’s eulogy and rendition of Amazing Grace brought the emotion and grief of last week’s church shooting back into my mental sphere. That sense of loss undermined with the controversy of the confederate flag and the discussion of what constitutes racism if the shooting of nine Black worshippers in their church isn’t (according to some news outlets.)

Then, with the Supreme Court’s 5-4 ruling that anyone and everyone in this country can marry whom so ever they choose, my Facebook and Tumblr exploded with the force of a thousand rainbows. As one comedian said, opening Facebook on Friday looked like a battle between the confederacy and a skittles factory. A more apt description I have thus far not seen.

While the kids were out meeting Minions at our local FYE store, I stayed home to catch up on my lying around and watched Lee Daniels’ The Butler on Netflix. I thought this would be an interesting escape from the emotional roller coaster this week has been and I’d see the inner workings of a White House staff member, i.e. the butler. I apparently did not read what this movie was actually about. It was excellent, and I would highly recommend it, but in telling The Butler’s story, it wound its way from 1926 Georgia sharecroppers to 2009 and the first Black President. It followed Forest Whitaker’s character through the civil rights movement, which brought out an emotional tear fest for me. It was painful to watch, especially the historical re-enactments of lunchroom counters and beatings and exploding buses, not to mention the fright I felt at seeing white-sheeted Klansmen that I remembered from my history classes.I was a sobbing mess by the end of it.

While I failed in looking for that escape, it was actually a nice way to be reminded of how far this country has come. With the marriage equality victory still taking center stage on my Facebook, this was a good reminder of what the civil rights movement was all about, and how we still have so far to go for so many.

However, the forefront of my emotions were still back at my family adventures, which started the inspiration for this reflection. It was exciting and scary, emotional and giddy as we proudly watched our two sons mark milestones in their young lives and move towards their next chapters. I wanted to be part of every moment, and I tried to relish in it. It’s not easy when so much is happening at the same time, and while I was trying to live in the moment, I was also trying to  record those moments.

And to be honest, my daughter was a good sport that 99% of this week’s activities had her taking a backseat to her brothers. Even her visit to the doctor wasn’t all that pleasant since she didn’t get a special mommy day like usual for those kinds of things because money was short this week. So no lunch out, but we’re making summer plans with the next paycheck.

What really surprised me this week was that amid my frantic-don’t-forget-anything, do-we-have-everything pseudo-shrieking was my oldest son, my almost high school graduate, my volunteer fireman and almost certified EMS worker doing everything I beckoned. Everything. From wearing a collared shirt under his graduation gown to leaving the park early so we could have lunch with his uncle before he got on his train for home to not needing to be asked even once to get out of bed on graduation morning. For twenty-four hours he was on time, ready, cooperative, and non-argumentative as we pushed and prodded, posed and hugged. He even let me kiss him a couple of times.

As much as I think my son slacks off, he passed all of his classes, he received the highest diploma his school offers; he earned some college credits and kept up on his fire department/EMS training. So, his room wasn’t clean. Ever. His bed wasn’t made. Ever. On occasion he got the dirty dishes out of his room, and he took showers, made dinner and helped with his brother and sister when he was asked; sometimes before he was asked.

When I told him he couldn’t come to his brother’s DARE graduation because it was parents only, he was incredulous. “Let them try and keep me out!” I was surprised at his determination to be part of something for his younger brother like that. He went from shrugs and ‘sures’ to caring and wanting to be part of it. I think I was most proud of that moment than even holding his diploma finally in my hands. The diploma was his hard work come to fruition, but the former – that was my hard work. That was my parenting, of showing my children what is important in this life: family.

As they get older, their needs and wants change and evolve, but they’re getting it. The one thing I had control over, I seem to have been successful at. I found out that I’m doing something right, so I can keep trying to do it with my two younger ones, and hope they turn out as strong and kind, caring and loving and thoughtful as their brother who led (and continues to lead) the way.