I was going to repost one of my memoir pieces titled, New Beginnings. It took forever to find and when I reread it, it wasn’t something that I wanted to share again. It was hard to recollect and be reminded of some of the things I wrote at the beginning of 2013. It’s hard to look at where I was then and realize how far I’ve come but also how far I have to go.
I wrote then:
“I start 2013 in so much a better place than one year ago.”
I listed a few things that remained intact and speculated on a couple more.
I find that two years later I am in a similar place. 2014 wasn’t perfect, far from it, and there will always be downs to go along with the ups. There will always be things to overcome, health issues still to accept and turn around, career, if you can even call it that, to rise to, learning how to parent an adult, keeping my middle child from feeling like a middle child, teaching my daughter the things I’m still strays if so she won’t be; still searching for me in the vast emotional wasteland that is my head, body, and soul.
I am definitely in a better place now than then and in a better place than a year ago. I am still searching for better than that and a serenity that fits me.
In the last year, I took more deep breaths. I went on two spiritual retreats and one spiritual enrichment. I put more of me into my writing. I wrote more. I found Jesus without losing what I already had that was working with G-d. I believe more. I forgive more. My meds seen to be settling into my body chemistry and smoothing me out, repairing what needs to be but not losing who I am inside even as I still look for the rest of me.
I have several points during the year for my new beginnings. Previously, they were Back to School, Rosh Hashanah, and New Year’s Eve/Day.
I think this year will be a new beginnings appraisal every few weeks to check and discern and understand whether I’m still on the right path. If not, begin again.
You never run out of chances.