reflection

Pope Francis, Year Two

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Today is the second anniversary of Pope Francis’ election as the 266th Pope. When he was elected, I had already been attending Mass for just about one year. I knew by then that in a few months I’d start the weekly classes that would teach me all about the rituals and history of the Catholic Church; all the things I’d need to know; all the things I’d need to learn; all the little things I’d need to do.

I was calm and confident in my new direction. I remember one of the things that I was saying two years ago was how excited and happy I was to be joining the church under this new Pope. It was like we were comrades, joining at the same time. Of course he wasn’t joining; he was moving into a new role, but it still felt like we were connected somehow. I didn’t know anything about him and Papal politics was the one political party I didn’t follow, but upon his election I started hearing some things about him.

He sounded wonderful and in the two years of his leadership and guidance the church is coming back to its roots of following in the footsteps of Jesus, leading by doing, reminding people of his message – to help the poor, to care for the sick, to forgive your enemies; to love your neighbor.

I Do Believe. Help my Unbelief

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“The identity of Jesus. Imagine him looking to me and asking, “Who do you say that I am?” To which I respond…”
– from The Little Black Book, Wed, Mar 11, 2015.
(Ref: Luke 22:66-70)

Growing up as a child and even as a young adult, I really did not know who Jesus was. I knew that most of my friends celebrated Christmas and Easter and some went to church on Sunday, but we (and they) never talked about it.

My open mind wondered if he was the Son of G-d, if He was the Messiah. I questioned, having been told that peace would come with the Messiah. No peace, no Messiah. If I was wrong, He would forgive me right?

It seemed simple enough.

That was one of my problems.

It wasn’t simple; not really. But for those who have faith, who truly believe, it really is that simple.

I always believed in G-d; in the Bible stories I learned as a kid. I didn’t walk into my church seeking G-d; or his son. Even on my many of my first visits He was hidden from me.

Until one day he wasn’t.

I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t been there. Empty church. Silent. Lights out but outside light streaming in. And then a bright light, that came closer and got brighter. I was crying and then I stopped. I was sad and then I wasn’t. I was suddenly full of knowing.

Jesus was…..

everything.

I knew and I believed; it was all there in my heart.

“Who do you say that I am?”

You’re who saved me and I’ll follow you where you’ll take me.

It really was that simple.

The Cock Crows

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In today’s Gospel, more than denying the Christ, Peter is abandoning a friend, his close friend. How long had he traveled with Jesus? How long has he witnessed for him? He left his livelihood and his family and his home for Him. Jesus asked him to build his church.

Today he deserted him, not once but three times. This is probably the hardest to read for me. How many times have I abandoned a friend because I was afraid of someone else’s response? It is so much more than being selfish or simply looking out for yourself. The amount of fright and sadness felt by Peter I’m sure was palpable. He wasn’t just afraid of what would happen to him from the crowd if he admitted to his friendship or to his discipleship, but also his reaction to Jesus seeing his betrayal and immediately forgiving him. The shame and relief were probably at war with each other.

The hardest part is not only asking for forgiveness but forgiving yourself.

First Scrutiny

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For catecumems coming into the church this Easter, today was their First Scrutiny. The Gospel for them to hear and discern is the woman at the well. I remember thinking on this nearly one year ago. It feels like forever ago. I’m looking forward to completing my first year in the church, and I’m thinking back and re-reading parts of my journey. My prayers are also with this year’s group.

Anniversary

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I saw the head of the RCIA program at mass tonight. She asked me if I thought about the upcoming anniversary of my baptism. I have been thinking of it. A lot. On one side I can’t believe a year has come and gone so quickly; it’s really flown by. On the other side it feels as though I’ve been Catholic forever. It’s an exciting feeling, though knowing how I feel about Jesus, and knowing that he is always with me.

Solitude

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Solitude appears in many places and are as different for each person as the people themselves. As much as the Lenten season is a group activity in that all Catholics do it at the same time, it is very much a solitary effort for each of us:

– what we give up for Lent, what we add, if and when we fast, abstaining from meat on Fridays, how and how often we do penance and ask for reconciliation, what we share for charity, how often we pray, and where our individual journeys take us.

Lent is forty days of solitude, of just us and G-d, our thoughts and prayers, our priorities and our choices on our crossroads as we meet them.

Solitude is the quiet inside no matter how much the outside noise is raging.

Solitude is the thought of doing better, being better, offering kindness where there is none or more where there is not enough.

Solitude is random, and comes in the shadows, in the light, and in the in-betweens.

Solitude is the thinking space, the quiet within the quiet.