Recs- Bro. Mickey McGrath

Standard

This is my first original piece of artwork from my retreat with Bro. Mickey McGrath.

image

Bro. Mickey’s website

I had the pleasure of meeting Bro. Mickey at a summer retreat last year. It was one of those wonderful cross-sections of everything you want a retreat to be: fun, contemplative, spiritual, artistic, creative while bringing you closer to yourself and to G-d.

These are three of his many works: the first is a card; the second was posted on his website.

image

image

This third one is in honour of today’s Solemnity of Mary:

image

I hope you enjoy his work as much as I do.

Mary, Untier of Knots

Standard

image

This is one of my favorite images of Mary and invokes so many feelings as a mother myself. We are constantly called upon to repair and literal untying is probably what I do most: shoelaces, necklaces, garland, holiday lights, and so on.

We are often “tied up.”

We “untangle” our problems daily; often multi-times daily.

So many instances and moments; tied and untied and the never ending problem solving of motherhood; it’s nice to know I’m in good company.

——————————————————————————–

(Painting is by artist Johann Georg Melchior Schmidtner, done around 1700, and hangs in St. Peter am Perlach Church in Augsburg, Bavaria, Germany.)

(Picture Source: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Untier_of_Knots)

St. Kateri Tekakwitha’s Shrine

Standard

We’re reminded throughout the year and the Liturgical calendar of many of the saints through their feast days. Recently, we’ve observed Sts. Simon and Jude, the North American Martyrs and Pope St. John XXIII and Pope St. John Paul II.

Today is All Saints’ Day; that day on the calendar that honors all the saints. Although not today, it is often a holy day of obligation where Catholics are expected to attend Mass. I did attend this morning, and since there is no specific saint mentioned it is a good time to remember the saints that are important to us.

The saint I chose for my confirmation name is St. Elen (of Caernarfon). I wrote about her back when I was going through my sacraments.

Last week was my annual fall retreat, and today I get to tell you about one of the unexpected directions I was sent on during that week: the National Shrine of St. Kateri Tekakwitha.

She was one of the three saints I considered for my confirmation before I was finally led to St. Elen.

I contemplated having St. Kateri because:

  1. She was local,
  2. She was Native American, and
  3. Her name began with a K like mine.

When I read her story what stood out to me was how she was the only Christian among her relatives, and that struck a chord with me during my conversion. I was the only one moved to follow Jesus Christ, and so was the only one talking about Scriptural things. Obviously, I wasn’t trying to convert my family, but that single similarity stayed with me.

At four, Kateri lost her immediate family to a small pox outbreak. She had contracted the virus, and was left scarred by her illness. Upon her death, witnesses say her scars disappeared.

She appeared to three people in the days after her death, and one year later, she appeared again to Father Chauchetière who painted what is considered the oldest portrait of the saint:

DSCN1052

Two of the four National Shrines that honor St. Kateri are in two small nearby villages in upstate New York about a five hour drive south from her burial place in Quebec.

I had heard of Kateri before I became a Catholic, but really only knew that she had been beatified and her place was local. I’ve had a strong connection to Native Americans since I was a child. I think I find myself drawn to cultures other than my own. I had just begun attending Mass when Kateri was canonized in 2012. I received a wallet card from the Shrine as they celebrated her canonization and our whole Diocese celebrated, and I’ve carried that with me since that day in October.

That day in October also held an unrelated significance for me as well: it was the original due date of my middle child, who decided to be two weeks early, lucky for both of us since as it was, the day he was born I was in labor for two days, unbeknownst to me.

I had no intention of traveling to a saint’s shrine on my retreat, but when I glanced at a map and saw how close it was to where I had been on Saturday, I realized that I didn’t have many opportunities to visit something so significant, and since she did have some inspiration for me, I was excited to go once it had been pointed out to me.

It was raining when I got there, so I browsed around the gift shop until it was a light enough mist for me to walk around. The buildings of the shrine close this weekend for the winter (because none of the buildings have heat), so my timing couldn’t have been more perfect. I plan to return when they have one of their events through the spring and summer.

I wandered through the museum first and then upstairs to St. Peter’s Chapel, which is a commemoration to the chapel that Kateri was baptized in. The nearby spring that was used to baptize her (and other converts at that time) still flows. Visitors claim healings and cures after drawing from the holy spring and praying for intercession by St. Kateri.

She lived in the village up the hill for most of her life. It is currently the only completely excavated Iroquois site in the country. Although the area had a history, it hadn’t been a shrine to her until Pope St. John Paul II beatified her in 1980.

The air was cool, the mist was wet and the sky was grey. I hadn’t realized until last week how much that type of weather is my weather. Very often I talk about my trip to Wales; more like pilgrimage, and when something reminds me of Wales, it is much more than the anecdote of a week’s vacation. There are so many non-religious, spiritual things associated with the simple phrase, it reminds me of Wales.

The fact that walking around the wet grass, seeing the bright yet muted oranges and reds against the greens, browns and greys as light played off the puddles was so reminiscent of my Wales that I had to sit and catch my breath. I was also moved to sit for quite a while in the chapel reading James Martin’s second prayer. The spirit was truly with me on this day. It was the perfect reading for the place; a perfect place to meditate on the Gospel, on Fr. Martin’s reflections, and to feel my own.

I walked.

I sat.

I prayed.

I meditated.

It was very consoling; reassuring of all that is right in the world.

It was exceptionally reflective and it gave me the impulse and the space to be reflective.

It reminded me of why I became a Catholic as well as why I became a writer. Both are similar answers even though they don’t come easily to the conscious mind: I can’t be anything else. Neither was anything that I was looking for, but instead they found me. Both are faith driven, both are involuntary, instinctive, and they both need caring to keep them potent.

Let me share the beauty of St. Kateri Tekakwitha’s Shrine with you:

DSCN1059

Bell Tower

DSCN1054 DSCN1055 DSCN1058 DSCN1062 DSCN1065 DSCN1068 DSCN1069 DSCN1075 DSCN1077 DSCN1081 DSCN1082 DSCN1091 DSCN1092 DSCN1098 DSCN1108 DSCN1112 DSCN1124 DSCN1125

Writing Prompt

Standard

My apologies for the lateness.

This was prompted by beginning my week – I’m still trying to find a name for it. I was reminded that retreat = surrender, and that is not exactly what my goals are for this week, and as I continue through the rest of the year and into the next. I was also prompted by this morning’s Anointment Mass at my church. It was a beautiful service, and I will try to reflect on it later in the week.

 

Write about something that you find sacred – like a personal talisman or inspirational item.

Diocesan Spring Enrichment

Standard

I spent four very full days last week at an enrichment program from our Diocese. It is primarily for the catechesis teachers, and I was fortunate to be offered the opportunity to participate. As a recent participant in the RCIA* program, I know that there is so much more to know and learn about Catholicism.

The theme of this year’s event was Open the Doors to Faith, which for me was a fitting first time. If you know anything about my thing for doors, I use their metaphor in a lot of my writing as well as being a sucker for a beautiful door. The picture below is the front of the church where the Mass was held with the Bishop on Wednesday.

2014-05-14 11.18.58

The workshop program opened with a prayer service with our new bishop and a keynote with Bishop Frank Caggiano from Bridgeport, Connecticut. Bishop Caggiano was a brilliant speaker and had a way of both reaching higher and bringing things down to earth. I gave up my morning break to hear him a second time at his regular panel.

I also took some two part workshops that showed me the history of the Biblical writings and the Liturgy. As someone who didn’t grow up in the faith, the history of the New Testament and the period of time after Jesus’ Resurrection are really a blank for me personally and I’m intrigued how the church came into being. And just to balance things out, on my last day I took a class entitled, “Walking with Jesus and Frodo: Praying with the Gospels and “The Lord of the Rings”.

There were other classes including Social Media in the church, the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola and an introduction to Thomas Merton. There was nothing that didn’t interest me and my copious notes prove that.

I also met people, not only the people I was introduced to by a friend, but a variety of people who simply reached out to me to say hello, to ask my background, to ask my opinion on something and I was a different person here, although I’m not sure if I was so different or that I was more me than I’ve been in the past.

I raised my hand. I asked questions. I offered my insight. I didn’t feel as though I was intruding as I usually do in these kinds of events, always feeling as though I don’t belong and everyone knows it. My confidence was in a great place, higher than it’s ever been. Even not being an expert in religion, I was still comfortable presenting my viewpoint and discussing my opinions with others who’ve been exposed to the language and the history of the church for their lifetimes.

I knew when to bite my tongue and when to correct people on their assumptions. For example, this was a program with the Diocese of the Roman Catholic Church. Talking about my pro-choice stance and the importance of reproductive rights would have been extraordinarily inappropriate of me. However, when a fellow attendee expressed a 1950s view of the mentally ill and the “excuse” of mental illness rather than a medical and physical problem, I did correct him. Even if I didn’t reach him, the other twenty people in the classroom heard what I said and might think twice the next time someone gives that erroneous outlook.

I was very confident and comfortable in everything I did during this week long enrichment, and really the word enrichment encompasses what I was doing through the learning as well as through being in the environment.

I drove myself on one day, got a ride from my spouse another and carpooled for two others. I had some workshops with my car pool driver (and godmother) and many without. I ate lunch with her and not; I sat next to people I met once, I sat alone. I contemplated in the gardens. I took photographs (which I will share with you over the next few days).

For those of you who’ve followed me when I’ve taken self-imposed writing retreats or gone to the IWWG*’s writer’s conference, this was very similar experience and yet not at all the same. I always come back excited and inspired and this week did that for me, but it did more than that.

It gave the professional immersion that I need as well as the ‘alone’ time that I also need to jump start my batteries. This week also gave me a faith basis for jump starting those batteries. I was in a state of constant excitement and inspiration. I have notes all over my book to look up things that I didn’t know about. I have writing prompts to organize and write. I have faith journaling to accomplish. I even got information about Cain and the Mark of Cain that I can use for a meta essay for the Supernatural fandom. This conference, workshop, enrichment, what4ever it wants to call itself was faith and writing and life and happy all rolled into one. It touched on all aspects of my life and creativity.

By the end of it, I was exhausted and my feet hurt, but I wanted another day to hear more, learn more and get more ideas to share with my readers.

I felt things that I haven’t felt…..well, I haven’t felt ever, and I’m looking forward to taking the push and running with it. I can still feel the excitement two days later.

I do believe that things will happen for a reason even if we don’t always see that reason.

Last year when I desperately needed a change, an impetus, something, I was very luckily granted a visit to my best friend in Virginia. This diocesan enrichment was perfectly timed since I wouldn’t be able to travel south this spring and I wondered how to gear myself up, how to incentivize myself. I am, however blessed to be able to visit him in the fall and I’m going to plan that as my next retreat using the themes that I’ve grasped this week to propel me through the upcoming summer.

For now, I have notes to transcribe, memoir homework to complete and enrichment things to write up, both for here and for my church’s blog.

 

*RCIA – Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults

**IWWG – International Women’s Writing Guild

Rite of Election

Standard

I posted some pictures but I didn’t write much about last week’s Rite of Election. As I was reminded of today, and pretty much any day I’ve been in church since, I am now an Elect. My name is in the book and in five weeks I will be fully joining the church. I still need to try on robes, although they have a different, official-Latin-type name; alb. I’m both nervous and excited and only apprehensive of the ritual itself.

Last week, my nerves only extended to looking funny and being the center of attention which I abhor. I was still excited despite hoping that with all of the steps I was supposed to take that I wouldn’t trip and fall or do anything else equally stupid.

It was a full day of the Catholic Church in all its glory beginning with the first part at my local church for the Rite of Sending. My congregation said blessings over me and extended their prayers that things continue to go well. I was up there with J, who was standing in for my godparents and sponsor and she walked me through it all, making sure I knew where to go and when to stand up, when to speak and all that technical stuff.

While Father J was asking the questions of J and myself and then saying the prayers, I watched a beetle crawl around the steps of the altar avoiding looking at the packed pews. It was strange to look out at people and even stranger to be able to tell who the devout were as opposed to the obligated, although thankfully no one looked at their watches that I noticed.

They dismissed me from the church during Eucharist, something they will do for the next three weeks after the Scrutinies. I stood in the gathering space for the rest of the Mass. As the rest left, people would look over and wave, smile and nod. A few came over to shake my hand and congratulate me on getting this far and wishing me luck for the rest. One woman was in the RCIA program fourteen years ago and one man was a catechumen last year. They were both still very excited with their joining the church and were very excited for me as were their spouses, all four shaking my hand and glowing with happiness. I couldn’t help but let the happiness warm me.

The second part of the day was the Rite of Election at the Cathedral. The Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception is in downtown Albany, and is the second oldest Catholic cathedral in the state. St. Patrick’s in NYC is the oldest. It is also the third oldest in the country. It is of the Gothic style taking your eye upward, bright light coming in through the stained glass windows and outside the buttresses and spires add to the medieval world feeling. (I would add an author’s note that if you’re interested in church architecture to find David Macaulay’s Cathedral. It’s a magnificent artist’s rendition of the building of a medieval Gothic cathedral.)

Arriving, we were almost late. I misunderstood where the parking area was. While it was physically on the left side of the church, there was no entrance on that side and so we had to drive around the governor’s mansion, the park, the state museum until finally figuring out where the entrance was. The church itself was much smaller than I expected, but the vaulted ceilings and pillars made it look huge. We came in a side door, so we entered about halfway up the aisle. I had been told that our seats were in row 5, so as I began to count back, Deacon M came over to meet us and showed me to our seats with my family following.

It may have technically been row 5 but in fact it was front row center. I might have had to catch my breath. The only one sitting ahead of us was the Bishop.

When Bishop Hubbard was appointed thirty-seven years ago, he was the youngest bishop in the country and is currently the longest serving bishop in the Diocese’s 162 year history. He tendered his required resignation in October and will be replaced the week before this upcoming Easter.

This service included a Liturgy of the Word but no Eucharist. There was so much to see that I spent a lot of my time looking around. Stone walls, large and small statuary, stained glass windows in every spot they could fit them, pillars. The Cathedral’s Tabernacle was gold and three times the size of the one at my home church.

Once I settled between Father J and J, again standing in and guiding me, my nerves left me. I let my husband take care of the kids and I listened to the service and let my eye wander. The ambo was up a circular stair, all made of polished wood, reminiscent of the ones I saw at the Burton Parish Church in Colonial Williamsburg recently. (After it was all over, my daughter took the camera, climbed up there and took selfies. She also took one on the altar and when I said I was glad she didn’t sit in the bishop’s chair, which looked more like a throne, she smiled and said that she had, and then skipped away to find more cookies and juice.)

After the godparents answered that the catechumens had been studying and were ready for this next step, we were asked if we accepted and wanted to continue to join the church. The only answer is “I do.” I was one of the first ones called to greet the Bishop. He took my hand, shook it and welcomed me into the church. I think I said thank you, but I was trying to imprint the moment on my memory and also not trip on the steps. He had this soft smile and a sturdy voice, and while the whole time I knew I was doing the right thing, this was one of the confirmations of that. It all felt so right. No hesitation, no mental missteps, no questioning. Once I made the choice to become Catholic, I have never wavered. I have been nervous about telling people for fear of offending anyone or saying the wrong thing, and not knowing which things I know from others and which I’ve learned from doctrine, but the choice itself? Never a question; not one.

I signed my name in the book, and that was where my hand didn’t work right, but I managed it and looked at my family, and I could feel the grin on my face with the overwhelming excitement of this moment for me.

There were more blessings and then we were back in our seats for the rest of the Liturgy and the other candidates who had been previously baptized. We took pictures on the steps, and I got a nice one of the kids outside. I’ll have to remember a list of pictures I want at the Easter Vigil because I know I forgot to take some.

We were able to wander around the Cathedral afterwards, but I plan to go back and do some more wandering and picture taking. There was a short line by the Baptismal font where the Bishop was receiving people and taking pictures.

That kind of thing usually makes me nervous, but I really was in a very good mental place. I’m surprised at how little anxiety this whole thing has caused. There is a calmness that is just there, a comfort and the knowledge that this is so much the right thing, probably the only thing I’ve never wondered about if I were making the right decision.

All of my feelings, as I learn more and more through the RCIA program, I realize that much of what I had in my belief system matches perfectly to what the Catholic Church teaches and the words of Jesus Christ. It surprises me that I’ve waited this long to find this out, although I suppose things happen the way they do for a reason. Something will be said by a friend or one of the program teachers, and my response is almost always when I was a child, I thought….

It still knocks me back a bit, but that is the presence of the Holy Spirit always being there whether I felt it or not, but always being there to guide me and put the right questions in my heard at the best times to search out the answers.

I can only hope this continues over the next few weeks as I approach my first sacraments before my family, friends, godparents and church family. It’s not long now.

Lenten Reflections

Standard

Lent is a time of introspection, something that I’ve done much more in the last couple of years. I know I seem sadder or more upset, and there is not any one thing causing that. I put this note here because I do tend to say things that are just below what I really want to say or I lean towards the passive-aggressive, and this series, 40 Days of Lent explores a lot of deep seated feelings and emotions, and when a scripture or reflection hits home, I just go with the flow. I don’t want anyone to jump to conclusions when they read my innermost thoughts. They’re innermost for a reason. That said, any personal questions may be directed to me if you think that I’m referring to something specific that you’re concerned with.

These meditations are for me and sharing them benefits me with your feedback and love, and they may continue beyond Lent, but it is too early to say anything on that subject.

 

 

“Our needs are provided for when we provide for the needs of others.” (Living Faith, Mar. 17, 2014)

“Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.” – Luke 6

“…quick to condemn and slow to retract…”

“I will pray for a generous and more compassionate heart.”

(the Living Gospel, Mar. 17, 2014)

 

I read these after an internal monologue of hurt and anger this morning. Getting up an hour before I needed to and on the wrong side of the bed after a freakish dream that wasn’t over will certainly do that to a person. Not to mention that in addition to whatever, my son missed the bus and his grades came in email. No one was a happy camper this morning.

Then I took a deep breath and sat down to remember why it was internal and not out loud and I re-read today’s passages.

Judging for me can be a reflex action. It just happens when feelings take over. I still feel like the last kid picked for the team, except I’m not the last picked – no one actually wants me; they’re just stuck with me. I can tell you countless times in the last six months that it’s felt this way despite any contrary statements. I’m not the life of the party, I’m barely noticeable and I really am out of sight, out of mind. After a couple of years of this, it makes me feel just a little bit paranoid.

I’m always on the peripheral, left out, an afterthought. It’s probably not even on purpose; I just don’t leave an impression.

When I do finally become included, I like it to continue. I give my whole heart. And when it’s not reciprocated or taken away, I’m afraid, and it makes me feel upset over little things, to parse every syllable, to analyze every comma in a message, to add tone where there is none, and more problems ensue; some of which can’t be fixed.

I know that I’m guilty of knee-jerk reactions, but the longer I meditate on my reasons, I see that a deep breath and a short wait brings about a little more clarity than what I started with.

To be fair, understanding something doesn’t always change those judgments I made. It’s easy to give advice and less easy for me to take it. It’s also possible that my judgments are correct, but it’s unfair to expect anything to change because of my feelings or desires when there are other, more important, factors.

I would consider myself a compassionate person. It’s definitely more of a natural fit now, but even so, my heart tends to be more compassionate than my actions. Even if I know what’s right, I still might need a push in the right direction.

I need to stop the knee-jerk reactions, the judgment and the condemnation even if it’s only in my own heart, and be more generous with my understanding and reaching out as its needed, not as I want to be needed.

I don’t count to ten, but a deep breath held for an extra moment or two does wonders to stopping the misplaced anger.