This is the only time of year that I eat Butterfingers. There is something about the crunchy, crispy, almost melt in your mouth peanut buttery, warm with chocolate that is just so amazing.
Unfortunately, this is the only time of year that I love then. I even steal them out of my kids’ candy bags the day after Halloween. Sometimes the night of.
Really excited for this for a lot of reasons, two being my vicarious love of motorcycles; they’re one of the things I would love to do if I weren’t me! Second reason is my huge respect for Norman and his eye for art. I went out yesterday taking photographs and I unintentionally had him in my mind as inspiration.
After seeing his interview about his book, I really have a new eye on some of my scene setting – that’s not the right phrase but I can’t think of the word; I just know the feeling came from his interview on Capture alongside Al Wertheimer.
I took two yesterday in particular that I’m really proud of, just trying to figure out how to post them here.
[Author’s Note: This isn’t meta per se, but it does contain spoilers, however vague for The Walking Dead and Harry Potter. If you have not seen TWD 6:3 or read Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows, you might want to skip this.]
For those of you who are fans of an ongoing series, whether it be movies, books or a television series will understand the emotional upheaval that comes with the loss of a character so integral to the story; at least in your mind’s view of the characters and the story. Now, I’m almost positive (about 98% sure) that this character is coming back in two weeks, but that doesn’t change the initial feeling of seeing someone you have come to love over the past five years suddenly, and unexpectedly die. Horribly.
The initial ‘oh crap, he’s in a real pickle’ to ‘wait, why isn’t he getting out of said pickle’ to ‘OMGWTFISHAPPENING?! NOOOOOO! NOT HIM!!!!!!’ can suddenly propel you into a deep sadness and sense of denial; deep denial.
I’ve been there, in denial, since the episode aired, and I’m going to stay there for a bit longer. It was one of the reasons I didn’t post yesterday; I just didn’t feel it. I’m only know coming back.
That is the only way I can explain what happened to me between approximately 9:45pm on Sunday night and pretty much right now.
The last time I had this happen so intensely was in the summer of 2007 when JK Rowling killed Fred Weasley. I don’t care who actually said the spell, the Killing Curse, JK’s responsible and she knows it. And no, JK, if you’re reading this, I still have not forgiven you. That emotional upheaval sent me to Live Journal and down the rabbit hole of a world of fan fiction and meta and other passionate fans of all stripes, and it’s safe to say my life will never be the same.
I wouldn’t call what I’m feeling depression. Despite the lethargy, the not wanting to get out of bed, loss of appetite except for the cheese doodle craving, the rewatching of the offending episode, the constant thought processes figuring out his last minute escape, I know that this isn’t a clinical depression or even a situational one. However, that doesn’t mean that these feelings are not real.
It’s very real.
Especially for those who have little by the way of in person family and friends, who find comfort in the escape of a television series that they love, who find a strong support network in fandom.
For some of us, it’s just plain fun. For others, it’s escape; it’s coping; it’s so many things that unless you experience it, you can’t begin to name them all, and they come in multiples as well: fun and escape. Fun and coping. Coping and inspiration.
For me, it’s many of those things.
For those, even those in my own household, who say it’s only a TV show, yes, it is, but it is also more, even to them. Why else would they block out at least an hour each week to watch it? I’ve mentioned that in our family, this is the biggest fall season I can ever remember. My oldest son does a lot of his watching on the internet, but for the rest of us, we have our shows and we love them and we get together practically every day to share in the experience of a new episode.
We watch; we predict; we laugh; we cry. Sometimes we live vicariously through them. I wouldn’t want to experience a zombie apocalypse but I’d like to think that I have the will and the ability to survive it; to continue to live my life; to not lose myself in this new chaotic world.
That is one of the things this character in particular embodied. While other characters changed for the worse, and others have changed for the better, and we learn something from all of them, this character has an inherent goodness that is needed in this seemingly no good future world. He is good, and he’s kind. He’s compassionate and he shows mercy; sometimes when maybe he shouldn’t. But he’s kept his moral compass focused, and to lose that is to lose something special and significant.
I know he’s coming back.
But he might not. Or escaping this, he might die later on in the series.
That’s what I’m mourning these last two days. We’re going to lose him, and we’re going to need to cope with that loss. This was a test of some sort, but all it showed us is how ill-prepared we are and we will be when this character and others like him don’t make it.
What happens when he’s really dead?
The other characters will move on. They’ll mourn, and they’ll cry. They’ll be angry and take their frustrations out maybe where they shouldn’t, but they, along with us will get through it somehow.
We’ll always get through it somehow.
Life isn’t a dress rehearsal, but in recreating lives on television or in books, we get a little bit of a dress rehearsal where we can see our reactions to losing someone we love, to seeing the good in people, and in being able to change our own selves for the better while we still have the chance.
It’s one of the reasons we gravitate towards characters that are both so alike and so different from ourselves. Just in the episode, we saw a character change for the better even if he couldn’t handle the realities of this world.
But that doesn’t mean we give up on the rest of those characters who need to change; who want to change and are changing right before our eyes.
He’s is the only one with enough heart to take them under his wings and teach them to fly; teach us to fly. There is still much to learn and much to do. We need him to guide us there.
While I know he’ll be back, I’m still also mourning. We still lost something. Only time will tell what that is.
I haven’t gone back and looked at my original speculation meta for season 6, but I know from the first two episodes that have already aired that I was way, way off. I’m kind of disappointed in myself, but instead of hiding my face in shame and throwing myself into a zombie hoard, I thought I’d have at it again.
I’ve been thinking about what we’ve seen already, and whether I want them to or not, predictions keep popping into my head. It’s probably the writer in me.
Maureen O’Hara, who I know from one of my favorite movies from my childhood, The Parent Trap has died today.
Without her, I wouldn’t know how to fend off bears in the woods. 😉
Dear Vice President Biden,
I have long admired you, and have thought about writing some sort of letter to you expressing that. I only hope this sounds as good as it did in my head while I was sleeping. In case it doesn’t, it was beautifully written, encouraging yet not condescendingly so; complimentary without sounding sappy, and loving while maintaining respectability. I can’t promise any of that since most things sound better in my head.
As I said, I have admired you for a very long time. I don’t know when I got into politics specifically, but my family was always civic minded. My father had to remind me once, and only once, as a child to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance and respect was expected without question or reminder for the flag, servicemen and women, and those that serve us in government. I never knew who my parents voted for until I was in college, and I never heard a bad word about anyone until I was old enough to discern the nuances of what passes for political discussion and disagreement and not personal attack.
I knew your name before I knew your story. I’m not sure how I knew you. I grew up in Queens until we moved to Long Island in New York, although it’s possible that I heard your name for the first time in college where I was studying political science. I ended up with a minor in that by that way, but that is neither here nor there.
I may have thought you were from New York originally. I don’t know.
I had somehow gotten it in my head that you were Jewish, like I was, which of course you’re not. I can only imagine that I got that idea from how much you reminded me of my father. He was a wonderful, kind, compassionate, generous man which should be no surprise then when I say you remind me of him. You were always a straight talker, and the one thing I liked about you was that you said it. Whatever the political consequences. Whatever the fallout. Whatever it was, you said it. The hard truth. The honest truth. The stark reality of truth. Always telling us what we sometimes didn’t want to hear, but always your tone to us is compassion and mercy, and kindness.
You were you, and just in that you inspired me.
Whenever your name came up, my response would always be, “Joe Biden? I love Joe Biden! I would vote for him for President.” Or anything else for that matter.
Somewhere along the line, I learned that you were Catholic. In 2014, I became Catholic. Before that I understood very little about compassion and mercy, and forgiveness. I heard you (and others) talk about things apart from politics, but through politics, and I didn’t get it. Being called to something. Having the clarity, not to know the answers, but to continue looking for them. In one moment, it was all there. The one question that confounds me still is the ever popular why did you decide to become a Catholic? Why did I decide? Oh, well-meaning, loving people…I decided nothing. I’m sure you know that when the Spirit puts its hand on your shoulder and turns you onto a new path, there are no decisions to be made; only a direction in which to go. Just as Jesus came to me in His way when I was ready, something comes to all of us, and shows us the way.
I learned about your family later on, and at some point I learned about your son, Beau’s foundation, Darkness to Light. Now, I knew Beau Biden. I remember when it was time to go to Iraq. He didn’t have to go. No one would fault him for staying as Attorney General if he didn’t go, but he didn’t join the military, and wasn’t in the Reserves for show. He wasn’t the Vice President’s son. He was Joe Biden’s son, and he knew what he’d signed up for. I was shocked when he died. I hadn’t known he was sick, and I cried. I thought of writing you then, but it seemed hollow. I have two boys and one girl of my own, and I can’t imagine.
It was only after yesterday’s announcement that you wouldn’t be running for President that I knew this had to be written. It shows that for you, the dream of the Presidency is much more than a man’s dream. It is the dream of helping, of serving the American people, and for that alone, you should be president. For those that know you personally or follow you closely, it is only one more selfless act in a life of selfless acts, whether that’s taking care of two young boys, of going from junior senator to senior, of vice president. It is all done with integrity and humility.
I could not let another day pass without telling you how much you inspire me; of how much I can do because I have you as a role model.
When you said that you would not be running for President, but you would not be remaining silent, I smiled. Don’t tell Joe Biden he can’t say anything he wants. You still have a lot to say, and I intend to listen as I always have.
But before we go our separate ways, I wanted it to be clear how much I admire and respect and care for you.
You are an inspiration to me.
Watching you gives me the security to know that I can change direction; for you, away from the White House, and for me, I don’t know, but whatever it is, I know I can do it.
I know I can do it because you can, because you show me how, and that’s all I need to know.
You are a wonderful human being, and I’ve thought that for so long that it surprises me that I’ve never said it to you. But you are a wonderful human being, and I’m glad I finally told you so.
Bless you.
Love and best wishes,
Karen B.
Back to the Future, that is.
Today is the day that Marty McFly (portrayed by Michael J. Fox) travels thirty years ahead to change his son’s future. For better or for worse, after today it will all be in the past.
Check out some predictions made in the movie, some have been created before today, and some we’re still waiting for.
Hoverboards anyone?
While you’re at it, check out Christopher Lloyd (who played Dr. Emmett Brown) and Michael J. Fox in this new video from Toyota.
And Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, and Lea Thompson on the Today Show this morning.
This movie trilogy is a good reminder to us all that what we dream about can come true as long as we stick to it, and have faith in ourselves.
And I’m all for anything that has fandom on the tips of mainstream tongues.
My church has a twice yearly Anointing Mass for anointing the sick. It is also called a Healing Mass. Everyone is welcome whether for a physical or a mental ailment. Many of the neighboring nursing homes and assisted living centers bring in their residents for this special mass. This was my third one. I go for both my depression and my knee pain.
Obviously this is for people of the Catholic faith, but belief or not I still think it is a wonderful experience of community and sharing our joy which halves our pain*. Seating is every other pew so the priests can move through to anoint and offer the Eucharist.
There is music and singing; there are prayers and scripture reading. It’s a Mass so it includes the Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist.
The Mass is followed by lunch. I usually attend alone, so it’s always a surprise who I will be sitting with. So many people go to so much trouble, cooking, setting everything up, decorating. There are prayer cards and a favor to take home. One of the volunteers makes them. They are so thoughtful and creative; it makes me want to go home and create something.
In yesterday’s writing, I mentioned having an object to help with meditation and contemplation. Today we were given a small medal with a cutout of a cross. I have been given this week’s object, I see.
I encourage you to look up today’s readings. They are always a link from the past history to our daily lives. One of the things I enjoy about going to Mass so often (usually four times a week) is that despite the words being thousands of years old, they still speak to me. I relate to them on a regular, almost daily, basis.
First Reading: Lamentations 3:17-23
Second Reading: James 5:13-16
Gospel: Mark 7:31-37
My prayer
card:
Julian of Norwich is one of my favorite mystics. Her work is said to be the first one written in English by a woman (1395).
One of my favorite of her quotations struck me when I first heard it. Ironically, when I am in a pessimistic mood, I will still often say that everything will work out; it will be okay.
Her words:
“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”
is so close to my own sentiment that I did a double take the first time I heard it, which was appropriately at my first healing mass.
[Borrowed and paraphrased with permission from Dumbledore’s Army and the Year of Darkness.]
Griffins and Ginger Snaps 