faith

Yom Kippur

Standard

I kind of failed Rosh Hashanah this year. I mean it’s still my responsibility to model for my kids and teach them how to observe. I feel as though I’m failing them in this area. I am also not ready to give up all of my traditions, and Yom Kippur is one of those thoughtful observances that gives you a mandatory stop and take inventory of where you are, where you’ve been, and we’re you’re going.

Yom Kippur is a little different today. For me, it’s less about what you can’t do, but what you can; what you do.

Fasting isn’t the absence of food; it is the presence of G-d as reminder of not only my failings of the past year, but also where I’ve succeeded.

Lighting candles for my parents. The reminder of where I’ve come from, how much I miss the every day, and it tells them that they are not forgotten.

Not working. No writing has always driven me crazy, but it has also afforded me the opportunity to slow down and think; to meditate. I am “forced” to something else.

My usual Yom Kippur activity is reading. Harry Potter was one of my Jewish holiday books and look at all my life has changed because of that beginning of that New Year. Overall, wonderful things from deep friendship to finding parts of me and knowing that are still parts missing; left to find.

This year’s book is Jesus: A Pilgrimage by James Martin. I know, an unusual choice for Yom Kippur. I’ve wanted to read it for some time. It was a gift from my godmother, and I look at the spine nearly every day and thinking I don’t have the time, I go back to my Kindle.

Yom Kippur will give me the time.

It is a whole day where I can read, pray, meditate, pray the rosary, light candles and no one questions the whys or the wherefores.

It is the one day out of the year where I don’t have to explain my actions.

It simply is.

Why are you….?

Because it’s Yom Kippur.

The simplicity of not apologizing for who I am or who I am becoming is part of my day’s meditation.

I do ask guidance and forgiveness for those I’ve wronged even with the best of intentions. Enlighten me how I can do better and I will do my best to try.

I will let my faith continue to guide me.

I will question what I don’t understand.

I will defend the wronged.

I will be the friend I’m supposed to be.

I will be the person I’m supposed to be.

In the Middle

Standard

With all the time I supposedly have, I’ve had a hard time writing. I have ideas, holy mackerel I have a ton of ideas – memoir, fic, meta, even pangs of Bittersweet, but the last two weeks, maybe a bit more, I’ve been scattered and short tempered. Some of that is my doing – stress scatters me – and the insane idea that words have meaning even if you don’t agree with them. The computer thing was beyond stupid. How in the world is my lived experience not valid as one example in a billion seas of examples? And when did knowing someone invalidate your opinions? It’s a strange new world. I’m not sure I like this aspect of it, so I will have to put it on my to-do list to change it, right?

A brief note: if you understood the vague blogging and think this is passive aggressive, you’d be wrong. There is nothing passive about it.

I’m going to write about things that made me jump for joy, things that tear me an emotional new one and things that bother the shit out of me, and everything in between and all around. (I really do need next week’s retreat, don’t I? 😉 Cross your fingers that they let me come sans money. I have high hopes, otherwise known as faith.)

I’m spending the week with my middle son. He was supposed to go to a VBS (vacation Bible school) with a neighbor, but we never asked and I’m kind of tired of him spending his days with this British guy’s Minecraft videos. I’ve dragged him to church, but he really seems to be enjoying it. Yesterday we had a burrito breakfast and went to the library. Today is Chuck E. Cheese and tomorrow is more library fun plus a therapy dog program. Thursday (or Friday – this is still up for debate) is the comic store and the sushi place he’s been asking to try. I think the other day of those two will be a movie day. I’ll see what he wants to do and when because I have therapy on Thursday. Kind of ironic – I’ll probably need it more after Gishwhes.

Middle Guy rarely gets this one on one time, so I’m glad it’s worked out for us, both with timing and mood (especially my moods, which were ridiculously unpredictable last year, but much better this). The middle child has a syndrome for a reason. And then when Dad offers to pick up the other two kids to give middle guy a little extra time with Chuck E, we take it.

He has managed to get a little present for his sister during everything we’ve done. He’s a good big brother, although he wouldn’t want her along on his surprise week.

We’re also excited to be using his older brother’s “new” car. We like it.

See what I mean, though? This missive was supposed to be about writing and here I am giving a glorified to-do list of this week’s summertime fun.

On the depression front (except for the last couple of weeks) this summer hasn’t been too bad. I haven’t dreaded having the kids home like I did last year. I don’t even know how many days there are until school goes back. House is still a mess, but it feels different; better.

I won’t name you, but I must apologize to the three people I had emailed with. I really dropped the ball on this. I think of you nearly every day, and I will send emails or message you to at least make sure things are okay. This is a reminder that you are on my mind and you are not alone in anything, I promise.

Writing. I’m still not sure what I want my writing to be, but I’m more encouraged to try out new things even if most of my writing seems to be journaling.

I blame my memoir workshops for that.

Maybe I’ll do a random prompt every couple of days. Perhaps, a Gishwhesian Haiku for Saturday.

My faith journey continues and is intertwined with my writing as much as both are interwoven with my life – the true Celtic knot of my soul. Triquetra might be more appropriate.

[Source for picture: http://www.lalegendedesfees.com/triquetra/441-pendentif-triquetra-bronze-antique.html]

When I misplaced my faith, my writing kept me together most of the time. With both holding me steady and pushing me forward, there is a calmness that is not only becoming to me, it is letting me become me.

I know there’s a lot of inner turmoil and self-reflection and growing and I expect that to continue until my last breath exhaled and my last word written. Everyone has a legacy and I’m still trying to write mine. I do have to live it first, though.

My past is so eclectic, esoteric (a favorite word of mine from my 100 Club days – inside joke) that in the new world I should be able to squeeze myself in and fit and if I don’t fit maybe it’s time for the world around me to adapt, just a little, considering all of the adapting I’ve done over the years.

Spring Enrichment 2014: An Introspection

Standard

This is a list of the classes/workshops I took and the one thing I learned that I didn’t already know:

 

Keynote: Open the Door of Faith (intro with Bishop Edward Scharfenberger of the Albany Diocese, Keynote with Bishop Frank Caggiano of the Bridgeport, CT Diocese)

The themes that rang true for me were: Be open to the voice of G-d and there is no challenge that cannot become an opportunity.

Pope Francis’ The Joy of the Gospel (with Bishop Frank Caggiano)

“Joy is the deep abiding faith and contentment that everything will be alright.”

I realize that I’ve been absorbed in Supernatural themes and fandom, but what he said during this talk was “Family don’t end in blood [boy]” and I promise you, Brooklyn accent or no Brooklyn accent I heard this is Bobby’s voice.

The Judeo-Christian Contribution to the Rise of Science

The one thing that stood out to me isn’t the disagreement between the Church and the Secular or between Creation and Evolution. The conflict that arose wasn’t between science and faith; it was between the different faiths. The Church encouraged science and wanted to learn more. The Big Bang Theory was a phrase used to mock and deride the Belgium priest who was the scientist who came up with it in the first place.

It was also believed that the pursuit of science was a sacred duty – that was how to experience G-d.

Also, a very interesting statement that I would need a little more first-hand research on, but Father Pat stated that there was no gender assigned to Adam until the second person (commonly known as Eve) is created (read the Scriptures)

An Overview of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola and a Contemporary Way to Pray Them

I’ve never been a fan of the idea of meditation and contemplation and this opened me up to trying it in bits and pieces. The journey of Ignatius of Loyola mirrored mine in an emotional way and it really struck me as parallel in ways. I’m interested in exploring the Spiritual Exercises a little more. We were given a shell to symbolize our pilgrimage, and I do often use objects to focus my thoughts and prayers, not necessarily religious objects like crosses and rosaries.

Thomas Merton’s Down to Earth “Christology from Above”

This ended up being more of an introduction to Merton, which was good for me who had never heard of him. He really spoke to my bias that you need to be religious and pious to find the comfort in G-d, and Merton was far from piety, but he still managed to take his hyperawareness and experimentation and find his religious and spiritual center and that leaves hope for the rest of us.

It is also a reminder that most Saints don’t start out that way (see St. Augustine).

Witnessing to Christ in the Digital Age: Strategies for Discipleship and Tactics for Evangelization

A Brand-New Parish for a Brand-Driven World

These two classes really showed me the link between church and secular life. All of the things we are doing with social media secularly can be done for our ministries and our parishes. It is more of a joining, a combining of our religious and secular lives rather than compartmentalizing them into an us vs. them scenario. It is also the reminder that all things can be used for good or ill, and it is up to us to use our skills and the available technology (see Ignatius of Loyola) to promote positivity and who we want to become instead of shunning them as too hard or difficult to learn or deciding that it doesn’t fit into the religious context. It ALL fits. We just have to figure out the best way to use it in what context.

How Catholics Read the Bible, Part 1: The Hebrew Scriptures

How Catholics Read the Bible, Part 2: The Christian Scriptures

How the Bible is set up, the historical context, a reminder that the Bible is written by humans and it is an interpretation and an ever-evolving document. There is also literary form to consider. These are all things that I never considered.

We are also prompted to take the Bible seriously, not literally.

Though He Slay me, I will hope in Him (Job)

My least favorite subject (and one that I didn’t realize was the subject of this workshop): end of life, pastoral care, bereavement. There was a great visual of our understanding of heaven is a hug. If you look at Jesus on the Cross, his arms are stretched out before in really a universal symbol of an embrace. It is an invitation, a welcoming.

This is not something that I considered before, but I can think back on one or two or three particular hugs that not only gave me comfort but took away pain, and the picture of Christ is less than I imagined as well as so much more.

History of Liturgy Part 1 and Part 2

This. My most favorite learning piece of this is how much of the current liturgy, prayer service, Mass has been part of the Mass since around the 3rd century. It’s worked so well for nearly two thousand years and really shows me the true belief and the specialness of Mass for me today.

Walking Through the doors of Faith with Jesus and Frodo: Praying with the Gospels and “The Lord of the Rings”

I am a huge fan of modernity and pop culture being connected to religious life – it isn’t separate but equal – it is two halves of the same coin. Just as pop culture changes, so must religion. I also enjoy seeing the parallels of the Lord of the Rings (and other pop culture works, see Supernatural) with Biblical texts and stories. For me, the movie visuals made more of an impact than the readings (which I’ve never done), but I also think there is a slippery slope not to make more of something that isn’t there and not to put words into the mouths of the artist (in this case, JRR Tolkien).

TED Panel: Open the Door of Faith (three viewpoints: theology, art and architecture and liturgy

I love the melding of different forks in the road into one theme. Of course, doors are one of my staunchest symbols of many things. Leaving one side to the other, finding hidden opportunities, looming large and scary but they don’t have to be, the different materials used in making the doors, the simplicity, the beauty, the attention to detail.

When you don’t know what is behind the door, that first hesitation is a tiny bit apprehensive mixed with excitement and wonder and once the door is opened, the introduction to all of the senses is there on the threshold and you still have the choice to close the door, but nine times out of ten you step through. Even that tenth time that you close the door; often we are drawn back and eventually enter. These are the roads in our lives leading us and greeting us and supporting us by providing nourishment along the way and sometimes offering us other doors with other choices or breaks from the journey, but at the end of the corridor, we still keep going.

Diocesan Spring Enrichment

Standard

I spent four very full days last week at an enrichment program from our Diocese. It is primarily for the catechesis teachers, and I was fortunate to be offered the opportunity to participate. As a recent participant in the RCIA* program, I know that there is so much more to know and learn about Catholicism.

The theme of this year’s event was Open the Doors to Faith, which for me was a fitting first time. If you know anything about my thing for doors, I use their metaphor in a lot of my writing as well as being a sucker for a beautiful door. The picture below is the front of the church where the Mass was held with the Bishop on Wednesday.

2014-05-14 11.18.58

The workshop program opened with a prayer service with our new bishop and a keynote with Bishop Frank Caggiano from Bridgeport, Connecticut. Bishop Caggiano was a brilliant speaker and had a way of both reaching higher and bringing things down to earth. I gave up my morning break to hear him a second time at his regular panel.

I also took some two part workshops that showed me the history of the Biblical writings and the Liturgy. As someone who didn’t grow up in the faith, the history of the New Testament and the period of time after Jesus’ Resurrection are really a blank for me personally and I’m intrigued how the church came into being. And just to balance things out, on my last day I took a class entitled, “Walking with Jesus and Frodo: Praying with the Gospels and “The Lord of the Rings”.

There were other classes including Social Media in the church, the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola and an introduction to Thomas Merton. There was nothing that didn’t interest me and my copious notes prove that.

I also met people, not only the people I was introduced to by a friend, but a variety of people who simply reached out to me to say hello, to ask my background, to ask my opinion on something and I was a different person here, although I’m not sure if I was so different or that I was more me than I’ve been in the past.

I raised my hand. I asked questions. I offered my insight. I didn’t feel as though I was intruding as I usually do in these kinds of events, always feeling as though I don’t belong and everyone knows it. My confidence was in a great place, higher than it’s ever been. Even not being an expert in religion, I was still comfortable presenting my viewpoint and discussing my opinions with others who’ve been exposed to the language and the history of the church for their lifetimes.

I knew when to bite my tongue and when to correct people on their assumptions. For example, this was a program with the Diocese of the Roman Catholic Church. Talking about my pro-choice stance and the importance of reproductive rights would have been extraordinarily inappropriate of me. However, when a fellow attendee expressed a 1950s view of the mentally ill and the “excuse” of mental illness rather than a medical and physical problem, I did correct him. Even if I didn’t reach him, the other twenty people in the classroom heard what I said and might think twice the next time someone gives that erroneous outlook.

I was very confident and comfortable in everything I did during this week long enrichment, and really the word enrichment encompasses what I was doing through the learning as well as through being in the environment.

I drove myself on one day, got a ride from my spouse another and carpooled for two others. I had some workshops with my car pool driver (and godmother) and many without. I ate lunch with her and not; I sat next to people I met once, I sat alone. I contemplated in the gardens. I took photographs (which I will share with you over the next few days).

For those of you who’ve followed me when I’ve taken self-imposed writing retreats or gone to the IWWG*’s writer’s conference, this was very similar experience and yet not at all the same. I always come back excited and inspired and this week did that for me, but it did more than that.

It gave the professional immersion that I need as well as the ‘alone’ time that I also need to jump start my batteries. This week also gave me a faith basis for jump starting those batteries. I was in a state of constant excitement and inspiration. I have notes all over my book to look up things that I didn’t know about. I have writing prompts to organize and write. I have faith journaling to accomplish. I even got information about Cain and the Mark of Cain that I can use for a meta essay for the Supernatural fandom. This conference, workshop, enrichment, what4ever it wants to call itself was faith and writing and life and happy all rolled into one. It touched on all aspects of my life and creativity.

By the end of it, I was exhausted and my feet hurt, but I wanted another day to hear more, learn more and get more ideas to share with my readers.

I felt things that I haven’t felt…..well, I haven’t felt ever, and I’m looking forward to taking the push and running with it. I can still feel the excitement two days later.

I do believe that things will happen for a reason even if we don’t always see that reason.

Last year when I desperately needed a change, an impetus, something, I was very luckily granted a visit to my best friend in Virginia. This diocesan enrichment was perfectly timed since I wouldn’t be able to travel south this spring and I wondered how to gear myself up, how to incentivize myself. I am, however blessed to be able to visit him in the fall and I’m going to plan that as my next retreat using the themes that I’ve grasped this week to propel me through the upcoming summer.

For now, I have notes to transcribe, memoir homework to complete and enrichment things to write up, both for here and for my church’s blog.

 

*RCIA – Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults

**IWWG – International Women’s Writing Guild

Spiritual Changes

Standard

“Few of us look as good as we once did. It is a fact of life, the price of getting old. We have our bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes. Life damages us all. Even our spiritual life may not be what it once was.”
-Traveling Light by Father Thomas Connery

My spiritual life was never what it is now.

I’ve always had a strong sense of G-d, but also a terrified sense of what’s next? I was always concerned with what happens when we die. I’m still concerned, but it consumes me less. As a child, I hated going to funerals, although the one time I was given a choice on the matter, I opted to go because I was close to the woman.

Since joining the Church, I’ve attended at least six funerals in the last three months. I knew none of the deceased. I found something uplifting with the funeral message that life isn’t ended, but changed. Honestly, I’m not sure I believe it – it’s a lot like grasping at straws for me – I want it so very badly, but I still have the question in the back of my mind.
In my spiritual life, I never fit. When I did attend a religious school and temple, I disliked it in the extreme. It was too formal. Odd I know coming from someone who spends three to four mornings every week in an extremely formal ritual of Mass.

But all of the Hebrew schools I found didn’t explain anything to me. I felt unwelcome. We were either too religious or not religious enough.

We followed the rites with our children, and that was more than that it was required. I could feel the thousands of years of tradition and it felt wonderful. Even my son in the pain from his bris, I felt the connection to a place thousands of years old, thousands of miles away in the desert. It was a bit overwhelming and I remember it distinctly to this day.

There was a scene in Supernatural recently, where the character of Dean says, “Dayenu”. I’m not sure what he meant by that – it was one of those things that I let go because I just didn’t know, but I remember a song Dayenu from our Passover Seders about goats. I might be remembering it wrong. I really enjoyed those Seders. I still have my torn, scribbled on paper copy of the one we got from shul, and that was the best school I could have gone to. We learned Yiddish and the Bible stories and the traditions like reading a Haggadah for Passover and lighting Chanukah candles and watching those cheap wax candles melt so quickly, more quickly than they should have, and learning why you don’t light a Yartzeit candle until your parents die because it’s not right to do it before.

My Dad also taught me that you don’t put hats on the bed, you don’t give out more information than is asked for, you give more than you get, you don’t take gas money if you’re going in the same direction, and if someone needs a helping hand, you don’t ask why, you reach out your hand. He did these things quietly.

My mother was equally generous with her time and her money and her love, but she did it much more noisily. She didn’t expect a thank you, but it would be nice. Her family always came first. She didn’t have medical treatments because that would mean time off from work and time off from work would mean less money for the family’s needs. How in the world does a $48,000 house cost $275,000 and it’s still not enough.

My parents were smart and funny, well, my father was hilarious. He loved his kids and his grandkids more. My mother did also.

I miss them.

And in this journey through Catholicism, they’re the only ones I worry about. How would they feel? For one thing, they wouldn’t want me to be miserable hiding my feelings, hiding my faith. They wouldn’t want me suicidal. They would want me to do whatever I felt was right to take care of my kids and myself.

From the moment I walked into the church, I was welcomed, and not just welcomed, but I felt welcome. I was allowed to ask any question, even irreverent, even to the priest himself.

I really do feel as though I belong.

It’s funny, growing up and well into adulthood, I was very uncomfortable seeing crosses with Christ depicted on them. It was torture. Why is it everywhere? It wasn’t until I started attending church and when I stopped avoiding looking at the large cross which is always positioned over the Father’s shoulder when he reads the Gospel. I started really looking and feeling the empathy FROM it, not my feeling sorry towards it for His torture and murder, but the amount of comfort coming from it amazed and overwhelmed me. There was light filtering in through the skylight and the lingering smell of strong incense and the most amazing feeling of arms wrapped around me, and I knew then; it was months ago, but I knew then: I was falling and

He caught me, and he hasn’t let go, and I won’t let go either.

I understand now; just a little bit, but I do understand.

Lenten Pilgrimage

Standard

After doing my own reading and talking to my close friend, I’m going to approach Lent as a pilgrimage of sorts. In that way, it goes along with my view that the last couple of years were and are a path that I’m following until I end up where I belong, wherever that is.

As a non-Catholic for my whole life up to this point, I’ve thought of Lent as that part of the year most like Yom Kippur. Time to atone your sins and with Easter renew your year, much like I do at that time of the year in the Fall or most people do in January at the New Year.

I’ve come to find that it’s much more than that. Of course, it’s whatever each individual decides to do for themselves, so please don’t take this as a directive that now suddenly I’ve attended Mass for less than a year and I’m some kind of expert. I only know my own observations and what my friends’ have told me, not to mention any specific questions I’ve had answered, either through asking or Googling.

As a child, I was under the impression that Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are fast days, and that meat isn’t eaten on Fridays during Lent. I am planning on observing these dietary restrictions with the addition that I will also eliminate bread during most of the week of Passover. This year is definitely a transition for me; I also remind myself that Jesus himself was celebrating Passover at His Last Supper.

I’m abstaining from two things for the next forty days (although I think it’s slightly longer than that). Diet Coke (and all soda really, but that’s the only one I drink) and the bakery scones I’ve been enjoying too much. I’m replacing the Diet Coke with water and green tea. I really don’t like green tea, but I’ve been reading that it counteracts some of the bad things that aspartame does to your body, so I’m going to try it out. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll drink my usual black tea and water.

This is an extraordinarily difficult thing for me to give up. Except for an occasional morning tea or lemonade in the summer or Starbucks drinks, ALL I drink is Diet Coke. I would guess that I average about 28 12 oz. cans in a week.

The only advantage I have is that they’re decaffeinated, so I won’t have the pleasure of going through a caffeine withdrawal. Been there, done that, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

I won’t be replacing the scones with anything. Part of that is to save the money and part of that is to lose the weight I’ve gained in the last couple of months out of the blue. Both saving the money and losing a bit of weight will be advantageous for me come October.

I also want to use this time for my writing. It was suggested that I trade one hour of Tumblr for one hour of writing, but I don’t have the willpower to do that; it would just make me miserable every time I ‘cheated’, so it’s not going to be a 1:1 ratio.

However, I will commit to writing certain things for the next forty days and hopefully keep it up as we go through the rest of the year.

The first thing that I want to write about on a daily basis is my faith journey, whether that’s this past year and how it’s brought me to this place or what I’m feeling on that day during the Lenten season. There are so many days that I have a monologue in my head about the faith and spirit that I’m feeling and I never get them down, so I’m hoping that this will help me get it out. I also have my Mason Jar project continuing through the year. There are still a couple of things that I haven’t put in it yet, but that’s separate from Lent.

The second thing I want is to be more consistent in my blogging. Whether it’s non-fiction blathering or Fan Fiction and Meta, I want to be posting, if not daily, then consistently, so it’s expected, both by me and by my readers. I’ve had my blog nominated for a couple of new blog awards and my essay about writing was recommended in January. These are great things, and make me very proud of what I have done, but with new readers comes higher expectations, and my expectations for myself should be higher than the reader. I want to try and live up to that.

I think what that means are at least two writings per day: one related to my faith and one for general writing.

Most importantly, I’m not dreading what’s expected of me this Lenten season. I’m looking forward to it; the challenges, the commitments, the creativity, the walk with Christ.

My Journey Towards Faith

Standard

I’ve spent a lot of time on Tumblr writing about my new found obsession, Supernatural. This show really has everything – good music, complex characters, a cast that loves their jobs and more pop culture references than you could possibly name, not to mention the puns.

I may eventually share those essays here if there is a want for it, but my friend, who encourages me in all things, and especially writing knows exactly which buttons to push to get me off my ass and before I knew it, I had over 5000 words in three essays about the show, the characters and my predictions for the future of the all of the above.

In addition to that taking up much of my time, I kind of had a relapse with my depression. I wasn’t more depressed or down, but I could feel that I fell off the wagon. I think I’m back on as long as I stick to my routines that I have really grown accustomed to, and more than that, comforted by.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned here what’s been happening in my religious life. A quick overview would be that I was raised Jewish, and followed all of the holidays, more so when I was a kid, but I’ve tried to give my kids the feel for the traditions that I grew up with. As far as faith, I’ve never been very religious in that way, although I knew most of the Bible stories, and believe in them.

Last year around this time, I kind of fell apart. It was about two months after an official diagnosis of severe depression and other things were happening in my life that would be inappropriate to discuss on a public blog, but I found myself at our local Roman Catholic Church. I knew I would be welcome, and so I wandered in to pray by myself and catch my breath so to speak. I did this several times whenever I was ‘sent’ there through the various signs (truly neon) that were sent to me on certain days and I followed those feelings.

Eventually, I began to attend the daily Mass three days a week, and I am still doing that today. Over the course of this last year, I discovered the Scriptures and the Word of G-d, and the role Jesus Christ has played in religious mythos and history of the Catholic Church (and all of Christianity, of course). At some point, I understood what was meant by ‘coming to Jesus’ and being ‘saved’. It was so clear in so many things that I was witnessing, both emotionally and physically. My head took a bit longer, but my heart knew what was to come in my life. I was lucky to have a very strong, supportive friend as well as a very supportive priest, regardless of any decisions I made in regard to remaining Jewish or converting to Catholicism.

At the very end of last year, New Year’s Eve in fact, I sat down with my priest to discuss my desire to be baptized. This will happen next Easter (2014), and while there will be bumps on that road that I will have to deal with, I know it is the right one.

The one question that has come up (from a family member) is whether or not I believe in the Resurrection. I don’t always have to see things to believe them, although I am extremely cynical in my ways. I do believe in ghosts, however, and if those manifestations are real, there is no logical reason that the Resurrection is not. So, yes, I do believe.

The reason I bring this up is that Lent begins on Wednesday, and since this is my first year attending church, for myself, I have decided to observe Lent, even though technically I’m not required to, and I will also follow the Jewish holidays that I would have normally celebrated including Passover next month. I don’t expect any of this to be easy. The point actually is for it to be a challenge – a kind of pilgrimage as part of the new path that I’m on.

In addition to giving up a couple of things, I will be adding writing and meditation to my Lenten journey, which will both focus me creatively and bring me closer to G-d.

I drink a lot of Diet Coke. It’s practically the only thing I drink, so I’ve decided that soda is what I will be giving up. I drink non-caffeinated, so there shouldn’t be any kind of physical withdrawal, only a psychological one, but because of the negative effects of the aspartame (I was told twice this week about them, both from my best friend and my brother), I will be adding green tea as well as regular tea and water. I am also giving up my favorite bakery scones, which is good both for diet and pocketbook.

However, Lent isn’t just about giving up things; it’s about adding G-d and Faith into your life and that is my intent, not only adding Faith, but adding my Dreams to this reflective time.

I’m going to cut back on some of my social media and prioritize things because last year at this time I checked out of my life. I wasn’t there for my friends; not for my kids; not for my husband, and to give credit where credit is due, he took on a lot more than he should have been expected to and with less complaint than he was entitled to. All of our problems aren’t gone, but I’m physically better; I’m mentally better, and the support system I have seems to be working for me. We still need work, but that is also part of my Lenten pilgrimage.

Thank you for giving me such great encouragement to this writing experiment. I’m happy that you will join me as I (hopefully) increase my writing output with quality, timely and entertaining posts. I’m enjoying hearing from many of you. Any of your suggestions on format and topics/prompts are always welcome.