​Five days in, finally posting in our last month of 2018.

Finally getting rid of last month’s snow.

Darkness at 4:30; feels like midnight.

My whole clock is off.

Asleep at 5pm; wide awake at midnight.

And then again at 3am.

Taking medicine all at the wrong times.

It’s cold out, but the car is hot.

Wear a jacket? Or just cope between the heated house and the heated car?

Monday was my birthday. I like to pretend my birthday is in the spring. If the sun is out, and there’s no snow, it’s my spring, and I take myself out while the kids are in school and my husband is at work, and for a little while I’m me.

So, on Monday morning, I got up early and went to mass, and then I took myself out for breakfast (free entree – I love birthday freebies!) and a movie. Across the restaurant from me was a woman, a little younger than me who was also having a birthday. I knew this because she was wearing a crown that said “happy birthday”. She wasn’t shouting from the rooftops, she wasn’t laughing loudly, but once she put the crown on, she did seem regal. Poised. Special.

Part of me was like I would never – too much attention, too much shiny – but a part of me was also like why don’t I have a crown? I should have a crown.

Or was it a tiara? Whatever it was, I should have one.