Social & Political

Bathrooms

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As this Transgender Day of Visibility comes to a close, I’d like to share something I overheard this afternoon.

It was a discussion behind me about trans use of bathrooms in North Carolina between (what I presumed to be) a married couple in their fifties or older.

Husband: It’s not hard. Men use the men’s room; women use the women’s.
Wife: Something about trans people getting beat up in the opposite bathroom.
Husband (with a laugh): Is that my problem? If you dress like a women….. (the implication being simply to not dress like a woman.)

I didn’t hear the rest, and no I didn’t call him out. They were having a private conversation, they weren’t that loud, and I was eavesdropping.

But I will answer his question – yes, it is your problem. It is everyone’s problem when anyone is afraid to use a bathroom; when people are being persecuted and assaulted in a public bathroom because of their gender identity.

When the women’s line is too long, how many of us use the men’s room? Show of hands? Mine’s raised.

What about bringing our opposite gender children into the bathroom with us? How old is too old? Because to be honest, in Penn Station, my eleven year old is still too young to go by himself.

What about bringing our opposite gender disabled family member into the bathroom with us?

I honestly don’t understand the uproar.

The only thing I want from a public toilet is to get in, get out and have as little interaction with anyone as possible.

So yes, it is your problem unless you want to live in a society that is so prejudicial that we won’t allow people to use the bathroom.

It’s not about comfort; it’s about safety.

Favorite Super Bowl 50 Ads

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There didn’t seem to be a huge variety of commercials. Maybe it’s getting too expensive. I found the Amy Schumer, Seth Rogan, Paul Rudd commercial funny and the Hulk/Antman was also a good one. Esurance was also unexpected and funny. I’ve included my three favorites below.

Clever and unexpected from a local company in Upstate New York, Death Wish Coffee:

What I thought was the funniest ad, from Doritos:

This ad about Native Americans was touching and poignant, and thought-provoking. Please watch and share, Proud to Be:

Fandom Friday – Supernatural vs. Super Bowl

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Dean: We’re on the one-yard line here.

Kevin: And, I should have told you this six months ago, but the sports metaphors? You want to motivate me? Magic cards, Skyrim, Aziz Ansari.

Dean: What? Yeah, I don’t know what those words mean.

The definitions so you’re not as clueless as Dean Winchester on this Super Bowl 50 weekend:

Magic cards

Skyrim

Aziz Ansari

Roe v. Wade (1973)

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Today is the 43rd anniversary  of the Roe v. Wade decision. That’s the decision that maintains a woman’s right to choose; to do with her body as she feels; It gives her privacy. It gives her autonomy. Many people herald it as a pro-abortion decision, but any of us who have contemplated abortion know that it is not. We know that no one, NO ONE, is pro-abortion.

Read about abortions before this landmark decision for some perspective.

As a country, we’re okay with the death penalty, even in cases where the convicted party is mentally disturbed – not the Charles Manson crazy, but developmental disabilities like Down’s Syndrome and mental ages that are well below their chronological age.

As a country, we’re okay with war; perpetual war since 2011.

As a country, we’re okay with torture.

We’re okay with domestic violence and victim-blaming where women are involved. Where men are involved, we reduce them to women.

We can’t even pass a VAWA that includes ALL women.

What is going on here?

I read something recently from someone who I respect, who is pro-life, who is a good-hearted, loving, peaceful person describing abortion (in some instances) as a convenience. Women don’t want to be inconvenienced. I strongly take issue with that way of thinking; that stereotype. Women who have abortions because of economic reasons are not doing it as a convenience. These women, for the most part are living in poverty. They have children and are often single parents. There is no universal child care option for them to get steady work or they work several jobs for part time hours. They are living in abusive situations that they can’t escape because they have no control over their own money and/or bodies.

Women would choose to avoid pregnancy rather than terminate it, but increasingly this option (birth control) is being taken away because corporations are people, too, my friend. The owner of Hobby Lobby is against contraception for religious reasons and chooses to force his employees to follow his religious beliefs instead of allowing them the freedom to follow their own religion.

The sooner the people in this country realize and accept that this country was founded on the principle of not only freedom of religion, the freedom to practice individual religions by individual people as well as, and in addition to the freedom to be free of religion entirely, the sooner these arguments will be null and void. We need to stop inflicting our beliefs on others. This country was founded on our differences; we should embrace them.

When my church does their prayer of the faithful, they almost always include a prayer for life, from conception to natural death. Very rarely, but sometimes, they reference abortion directly, and my mind invariably wanders and prays for the women; that they continue to have the freedom of choice; that they have the support, the autonomy, the health care and the reproductive rights that they should have in a free society.

We should be supporting women who choose abortions instead of terrorizing them.

The most recent act of terrorism in Colorado Springs that targeted the Planned Parenthood there killed a woman, not having an abortion, but supporting her friend, a man on his cell phone on the street, and a policeman/security personnel. This is horrible, and the fact that many of us hand-wave it away as collateral damage is more than a little disturbing.

The sooner we get back to our basics of bodily autonomy and religious freedom, the sooner we can move on as a country to more important things – stopping our military involvement, the quagmire, eliminating the gender gap in pay and rights, giving Americans the right to have access to health care that is actually healthy and affordable.

Women, when left to their own devices will make the right choices and the right choice is whatever they feel is right for them, not what you feel is right for them.

In all matters.

Diversity, Tolerance, Acceptance

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What do those words mean? In early childhood, it was friendship and fairness. Elementary grades it was fairness and equality. Middle school showed us right and wrong, common sense, and equality. High school and higher was comparative culture and religion; it was discerning prejudices and overcoming them. Now, it is also recognizing privilege, whatever it is: white, male, Christian, straight, non-disabled/abled. It is thinking in a new and different way, but it is also a common sense to think this way.

In the 70s and 80s, it was tolerance.

Now, it is (and should be) acceptance. Acceptance is not approval. Don’t say that to anyone though. It’s condescending. It’s different for a religious pastor to accept, in the case of lgbt+, but not to approve in the context of dogma or doctrine, but it shouldn’t be that much different if we are all the same on the inside.

We divide where we should be bringing together.

We are stronger together.

We fear the unknown.

So get to know some of those things that scare you.

Diversity has to be more than adding a person of color to your favorite television show. Representation is incredibly important, and it matters, but it can’t be the only thing. It has to be more than Black History month in February or Women’s in March; Native American History in November and LGBT+ in October. It should be every day in every classroom. Diversity is inclusion. It’s about American history including these marginalized groups from the outset, not as a sidebar or a footnote.

It’s the food and the fabric and appreciation; the stories and music and taking chances. It’s the phenomenon that is Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton on Broadway.

It’s my church music director including an African American spiritual (Wade in the Water) to our Mass of the Lord’s Baptism despite most of the congregation never hearing it before.

It’s Laverne Cox and Jamie Clayton.

It’s David Bowie using his privilege and calling out MTV on its very white lineup in 1983. 1983!

It’s my daughter calling a classmate her brown friend because she has brown hair and not seeing the difference between herself and her two best friends – one Scandinavian blonde and one African American all wearing their own braids, the two friends’ done by their moms in the morning and hers done on her own because I couldn’t do a proper braid without witchcraft involved.

It’s listening to the people who live this everyday and not talking over them. It’s eliminating the word and the thoughts of tolerance from our vocabulary. We, who are the privileged shouldn’t “tolerate” other people. We accept them for who they are and learn from what they can teach us, and stop saying ‘they’ and ‘them’ but instead ‘we’ and ‘us’.

Diversity is inspiration and acknowledgment and looking ahead at better things.

Get Out The VOTE

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In the United States, today is Election Day. Every citizen, upon turning 18 before Election Day can register to vote in their state. That means that you can vote in school board elections and for school budgets, for local government, state government, federal government, and for the President of the United States (every four years).

If you don’t register, you don’t vote.

If you won’t be in your home district on Election Day, you can request an absentee ballot. College students, disabled people, and the elderly and military personnel often use this. It is up to your state what your qualifications are for the absentee ballot.

Whether you believe it or not, every vote counts. Sitting out an election is the equivalent of voting for the other person.

Simply put, if you don’t vote, don’t complain. Legally, that’s not true – you still retain your first amendment right to say whatever you want about voting or anything else. But it’s not that simple.

If you don’t want to register to vote because you’re afraid that it will put you on the list for jury duty, don’t worry. The courts get your name for jury duty from the DMV. You drive, you’re in the jury pool.

Voting is more than a right. It is a privilege.

It is how we get things done in this country. If we want change, we need to make it happen.

If you feel that your voting isn’t doing enough, get involved in other ways,. Work on a campaign. Work in local areas to make your own community better. Educate yourself on the issues. Do not let the media and talking points (anyone’s talking points) give you the only information on a subject. Research.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is not vote.

GET OUT THE VOTE!

Honoring Them

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This began as my memoir workshop homework. It was my third attempt, but it seems as though the third time’s the charm. Our prompt was Uniform. I really had such a hard time, but then I realized that this past week had been unusually full of men in uniform, beginning seven days ago with Beau Biden.

Beau Biden is the son of the Vice President, and I’ve followed his family since my infant days as a political junkie. Joe Biden, then Senator wasn’t from my state, but I knew his name. He spoke his mind. Often. He was almost just as often ridiculed for it and mocked at his many slips – being honest has that effect – sometimes you put your foot in your mouth, and Joe Biden was kind of an expert at that, at least where the media was concerned. I still liked him. He said what he thought and he stood by that.

I found out later that between being elected (youngest in fact) and Christmas, his family was in a devastating car accident. They were hit by a tractor trailer, and his wife and daughter died. His two boys, Beau and Hunter were seriously injured. In fact, Joe took his oath of office in their hospital room.

He was a single father traveling between Washington and Wilmington daily so he could put his kids to bed and be there when they woke up. This was the example the Beau (and his brother) saw growing up.

When Beau Biden was Attorney General of Delaware he took a leave when his National Guard unit was called up to active duty for a tour in Iraq. Tour. They make it sound so pleasant, don’t they?

There’s a picture of when he returned of he and his father facing each other, standing eye to eye, and I get emotional every time I see it from that first moment. Beau is standing tall, military straight-backed as he looks at his father the Vice President with respect and his father looking at him with that same respect but the added pride of a father knowing that his son has done good. It’s hard to imagine that much emotion coming from a still picture.

He introduced me, through his work to the Darkness to Light Foundation which empowers people to prevent child sexual abuse.

He was 46, and the word was that he intended to run for governor of Delaware in 2016. He probably would have won; he was a fine man, a good and decent man. He would have made an excellent President one day.

Sadly, he died one week ago after his brain cancer recurred. Today was his funeral, a full military funeral. He had been ill for several weeks, but like his whole family, this was kept quiet from the media.His family was there with him, and he leaves behind a young family – a wife, and two children, ages 11 and 9, the ages of my two youngest kids.

As President Obama eulogized him, he called him a “consummate public servant.” That is a summation that I’m sure Beau would appreciate.

His family has asked in lieu of flowers that donations be made to The Beau Biden Foundation for the Protection of Children.

I could end this here, and it would be enough, but Beau Biden wasn’t the only Army serviceman in the news this week.

Later in the week, we had a 180 degree turn from our sadness for and with the Biden family. On Tuesday, men in uniform were uplifted to places of honor after being ignored for nearly one hundred years. Sgt. William Shemin, a Jewish serviceman from Syracuse, NY and Pvt. Henry Johnson, African-American from Albany, NY were posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor from President Obama. Both enlisted during World War I; both fought in France. Henry Johnson’s unit was assigned to the French government because white soldiers wouldn’t work alongside Black troops, even though they were all Americans.

Both continued fighting after they were wounded. Sgt. Shemin took command after all of the commanders and non-commissioned officers became casualties. Pvt. Johnson took on 20 Germans. The French government awarded him the Croix de Guerre, the first American to receive that with star and Gold Palm. He died in 1929 with no recognition from his own government. Finally, ,in 1996 and 2003, respectively, he was awarded the Purple Heart and the Distinguished Service Cross. His son, Herman was a Tuskegee Airman, and received the Distinguished Cross for his father.

His Medal of Honor was presented on Tuesday to a member of the New York National Guard while Sgt. Shemin’s was presented to his daughters, age 83 and 86.

Today we continue to talk about our troops, cheer at parades, offer a military discount here or there, but many of our troops come back broken, some in ways that can’t be seen, and they are fighting tooth and nail to get their needs taken care of, almost as much as they fought the enemy in the combat theatre.

They are not a group that tends to complain. They wait, but they are misdiagnosed and discharged from service with no resources or support for housing, food, or health care. Men (and women) with PTSD remain on waiting lists for therapy and service animals. They are directed to private organizations that cost money and have even longer waiting lists. They will forever be burdened with what they endured in combat. Flashbacks and nightmares are only the tip of a very large iceberg. Many of their families live in poverty, houses foreclosed on. Many are homeless. Many commit suicide. They need, and should be given as much support as they gave their country when it called them. Giving so much, they should not be on anybody’s waiting list.