babies

Organizing for Parents

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There are so many items out there for parents to choose from for organizing their nurseries, their cars, their travel, their diaper bags that I don’t know how we get through it with our bank accounts still intact. Some things that I found were new at the time of my first born in 1997 that are now more or less standard on the lists for new parents. For example, we decided to skip the infant car seat/carrier for a convertible car seat that would last throughout our baby’s toddlerhood. What we hadn’t anticipated was that our son would be born small: 3lbs. 11oz. He swam in the convertible car seat. He swam in the infant car seat that we eventually got. “Eventually” being on the way home from the hospital and stopping at a Toys R Us to get him a more appropriately sized (and safer) car seat.

I bought many parenting books. I can’t really recommend any of the new ones as I haven’t used any of them, but the two I found the most invaluable were What to Expect When You’re Expecting and What to Expect The First Year. The toddler one was great for looking up symptoms of things and checking on developmental progression, but any of these should be used in conjunction with your pediatrician who you trust.

For our first we also had a bassinet AND a crib. We set up an entire nursery for him that he never slept in. Partly that was due to his size and need to eat throughout the night. Ultimately, we used our Graco Pack N Play as a crib most of the time. Our other two slept in our room for nearly a year, using a crib or the Pack N Play. As they get older, toddler beds are nice, but unnecessary. We used mattresses on the floor when we had two toddlers simultaneously.

Space is also a consideration. We had three kids in a two-bedroom apartment. I didn’t think much of it. When I was young, my family was comprised of three kids in a two-bedroom apartment. It was tight, and we had a storage facility for seasonal items and things we just couldn’t fit in a garden apartment with no real storage space. The polite description was that it was cozy.

We had a toddler and an infant, so a double stroller (with a car seat) was a must-have.

Some other must-haves:

  1. Sectioned diaper bags as well as a fold-up changing pad that would also function as a holder for a couple of diapers and pack of wipes to “grab & go.” You don’t always need to drag the diaper bag into every place. I also like a diaper bag that has a section just for mom: wallet, keys, sunglasses, cell phone (at a minimum) and then you don’t need to carry a purse. You’re doing enough juggling. My favorite diaper bag was one that attached easily onto the stroller. Easy to get into and it converted into a shoulder or crossbody bag for carrying.
  2. Stroller for expeditions like the mall or playground. If for nothing else, the bottom basket is great for coats, hats, diaper bag or changing pouch. I always bought attachable cup holders for my and my baby’s drinks. Most strollers have these as part of the set-up now.
  3. Snacks. If your toddler is old enough to hold it, a small plastic container works. If you’ll be doling out the snacks onto a tray, a Ziploc bag works just as well. Both can be reused.
  4. Baby Wipes. Buy the biggest pack. It will never be too many.
  5. Bibs. But not the tiny, cutesy ones that match the outfit. They’re almost useless unless you have a very drooly baby. For eating, plastic (to wipe down easily) with a pocket to catch the food. Velcro, not tie or snap.
  6. Highchair is a judgment call. We didn’t have the space for a highchair, but we did buy a portable and adjustable highchair seat. This worked just as well as a full-size highchair and could be put away when not in use. It could also travel with us when we went to Grandma’s house, which was fairly often and to restaurants, which was less so.
  7. Baskets & Open bins for easy clean-up. Store them on the bottom of a bookshelf (although make sure that the bookshelf is secured to the wall or built in) or line up in front of a wall. Even toddlers can help put things away when it’s this simple.
  8. Unless you find that your baby is fussy, you do not need a baby wipe warmer. You do, however, need a diaper pail that will deodorize the contents.
  9. A small dish drain for baby’s bottles, pacifiers, teethers, so you’re not digging through all of last night’s dishes for what you need.
  10. Towel with a hood to wrap baby up after a bath. Dries them and keeps them warm before the jammies go on.

Comments are open for questions and suggestions.

50-44 – Postpartum Depression

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​When you give birth for the first or second time, the expecting books, the online information sites, and the doctors and nurses are very much aware that this is new for you, and they take great care in giving you as much information as possible including on postpartum depression.

postpartum depression can occur in women who’ve had no other history of depression.

You are told very clearly what to look for: loss of appetite, fatigue, lethargy – because none of those things happen when you have a new baby unless you have depression, right?

Two other symptoms to watch out for are if you can answer yes to the following questions:

Do you want to hurt yourself?

Do you want to hurt your baby?

Since my answers to both of those questions were  resounding NOs, I knew I was in the clear.

Despite that I couldn’t make decisions or do anything that wasn’t taking care of the baby, or even lying on the floor with the tiny baby, both of us crying hysterically. It went on and on, and every time I thought I must be depressed, I need to see a doctor about this, I would go back to those two questions and answer them:

No, I do not want to hurt myself. No, I do not want to hurt my baby. I just need a vacation; a day off. And I muddled through. I just wasn’t strong enough to handle a second baby. I must be doing something wrong.

Not to mention that my mother had just died; eight weeks after the birth of my son, which came eighteen months after the death of my dad. Of course, I was depressed, but I wasn’t, you know, depressed.

It wasn’t until eight years later and actually becoming suicidal, wanting it all to just end and being diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety was able to look back at that time, lying on the floor crying, not wanting to do anything but sit in a chair, sometimes holding my baby, not cooking or wanting to eat, did I realize that I did, in fact, have postpartum depression.

It’s hard to look back and know that if only I’d looked deeper into it, I could have come to of it sooner. As it was, when I became pregnant with my third child, when my second was only six months old did the hormones kick in, pushed the depression away, and saved my life.

I was miserable, and I had help. My husband stayed home and worked as often as he could, especially after baby number  three was born, and my mother-in-law visited and stayed with us for extended periods to help us out and visit.

We need to listen to new or not so new mothers when they complain about how hard it is. Even if we complain all the time, we need to take a special listen after the baby’s born. Offer support; don’t wait until it’s asked for. By then, it’s probably too late and the request is coming from a shrieking, arm flailing door slammer.

The questions shouldn’t be will you hurt yourself or your baby; the question should be how are you, are you okay, can I help? Do you want me just to come over and watch you and the baby sleep for an hour?

postpartum depression is hard to recognize. I never recognized it until I was on anti-depressants and in therapy for about six months. I was lucky. I never wanted to hurt my kids. If they were with me, I wouldn’t hurt myself, but looking back it is one of the scary experiences I’ve ever had, more than when I was actually suicidal.

The good news is that I came out of it. I survived. I look at my kids everyday and I’m glad I’m here with them. I survived and I’m still surviving. I’m hyper-aware of how I feel. I have my coping mechanisms, which I’ve adapted to over time.

Don’t let anyone tell you you’re crazy or imagining things. Take care of yourself first. Love yourself first. Always keep fighting.*



[*Always Keep Fighting and Love Yourself First are from the Always Keep Fighting (AKF) campaign to raise awareness and fight depression through Supernatural actor, Jared Padalecki’s charities.]