Month: February 2015

But I NEED It

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My number one rec on Thursday was if you forgot it, you don’t need it.

Well, I forgot my notebook for my retreat.

I was late, I was grabbing my suitcase and my messenger bag, and I forgot that my folio was between the two front seats.

They were long gone when I realized it but I still contemplated calling my husband to come back. The retreat director had already started and I was late.

At the break, I wandered through the center’s shop to see if they had any blank books.

They did not.

I used the bathroom right before the break was over and laughed ironically when I remembered item number one on my recent recs. Time to practice what you preach.

I don’t have the book.  I’m not calling my husband. I will improvise on Saturday and if I forgot it, I don’t need it.

When I came out, readily armed with my new positive, mature outlook, there was my son standing in the doorway holding my folio. I hugged him tightly and thanked him profusely.

Retreat

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Most people read that word as surrender or giving up but even in a military sense, despite its bad rap it really is not a negative.

A retreat (verb) for me is a chance to step back and regroup. Reassess the situation from a different perspective; take a look at the big picture, assess what’s working and what’s not and move forward with not only a better outlook but with a better plan; one that has a chance of pushing us in good ways and always moving us ahead rather than standing still.

Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015

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Finding the words on a day like today is not an easy thing to do. The text message found me in the grocery store. It wasn’t a gasping shock after hearing about his health problem earlier in the week, but Leonard Nimoy was one of those few that were supposed to be immortal.

He was an inspiration to me, seeing him on television, growing up, he was a part of my family; not just my Star Trek family. I was born the same year as Star Trek, Star Trek being a couple of months older. I dreamt Trek, I wrote fan letters and fan fiction, I read the fan magazines, collected the trivia, learned Klingon, and through it all was the cast beside me in my living room, sharing the cheese doodles, memorizing lines.

And at the top of that list was Leonard Nimoy. Tall, dark, and handsome. Growing up Jewish, it was nice to have someone of my faith to look up to, that everyone loved. Even some of the Vulcan rituals were reminiscent of theology and customs I was already familiar with.

I watched all the Treks. My favorite movie is one that he directed: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. I remember him from Mission: Impossible and In Search Of, particularly the search for Noah’s Ark. His singing was…. well, he had a great sense of humor. Through all of his enterprises, whether acting, singing or inspiring, he showed the one thing that we all should value: No matter the outcome, try new things. You can never go wrong if you put yourself out there and do your best, and most important of all, have fun.

In the 90s, my husband (before he was my husband) and our friends went to many conventions. We were lucky enough to see Leonard with William Shatner in Manhattan and with Patrick Stewart in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, one of our road trips and well worth it.

Leonard Nimoy is a greatness in a sea of greatness, and he will be missed.

Live Long and Prosper, my friend.

Obituary

Confession

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Confession is not for payoffs; it is for healing.

– Lewis B. Smedes, Give Us This Day, 2/27/15

My first confession was required as part of my RCIA program. It may have been the first sacrament I made prior to baptism.

I was forty-seven, and had no idea where to begin. Would anything I felt guilty about count? Should I stick to the ten commandments? Most of those weren’t applicable: murder, adultery, stealing.

I yell at my kids and I curse. A lot.

It felt silly.

But in looking deeper, into years and decades of feeling sorrow for deeds, I managed, with the guidance of my priest to find the right balance, to know what should be confessed and what should be ignored, what needed deeper understanding and what remained superficial.

It wasn’t my confession that freed me; it was the absolution and the absolutism of G-d’s forgiveness through my priest’s words and prayers. With his hands on my head, I could feel the weight lifted, literally going away from me.

It was so much more than I expected, and so much more healing than I could have imagined.

Retreat Recs

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1. If you forgot to bring it, you don’t need it.

2. If you need to check in at home, do that, but turn off your cell phone and give your family an emergency number to contact you at.

3. Dress comfortably, and it doesn’t matter what season it is, bring an extra sweater.

4. Safety First for Travel – flashlight, nightlight, doorstop, non-skid socks or slip-on shoes/slippers.

5. Bring a camera and a journal.

Hope

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Where there’s life, there’s hope.

I heard this today on Supernatural. It was said in a glib, facetious way to put on a happy face, to show that the character didn’t care about his future, but the fact is that he does care. Underneath it all, he’s an optimist.

I would always call myself a realist; or even a pessimist. I have a knack for finding the dark cloud in every silver lining, but slowly, that seems to be changing.

My mantra drones on in my head, it will all be alright, and I think…. I think I might actually meant it.

Intention

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Intentions are important. My decision to miss morning mass this morning was with the intention of going to tonight’s mass.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep this afternoon, and now I feel like Rip Van Winkle. My head is groggy, my mind is foggy, my hands are tingling, and the last thing I want to do is go out in the cold.

I will probably stay home, and read my devotional. Although I find that positive, it’s not the same as being in the community of church.

Intentions are important.

I must remember that follow throughs are more so.