It’s been more than six weeks since the final, final chapter of Stranger Things, and I thought I’d think about the discourse surrounding the Stranger Things fandom at that time that’s been bordering on psychosis. According to people on the internet, January 8th was the day that the “real” series finale was supposed to drop – episode 9 because the New Year’s Eve finale didn’t give the fans what they wanted. I hate to break it down into a generational thing but kids today…

I mean dude can you be any more self involved and relishing of your main character syndrome? This show, the entire decade of five seasons was a true love letter to Gen X, those of us who grew up without the internet, dragging the ridiculously long telephone cord into a closet to talk, sneaking in after a showing of Rocky Horror and diner dessert.

Watching the discourse about continuity errors and plotholes that didn’t exist, the theory that the whole thing was a dream – been there, done that thank you very much Bobby Ewing; that it was a failed Dungeons & Dragons game or in someone’s head – again been there done that, thank you very much St. Elsewhere. We’ve lived through it all, and those of us who did, knew the Duffer Brothers wouldn’t do us dirty like that.

Google is free. It wasn’t available in the 80s, but it is available now. Please use it and stop driving those of us who were there crazy. We are becoming impatient with you. We are begging you – get some media literacy.

I can’t believe I need to explain that there was a world of experiences before you were born, before streaming, before reboots, so here’s a rundown that even my kids got:

• Godzilla came out in 1958. Black and white. In Japanese. Dubbed.
• Mission: Impossible was a very popular television show in the late 60s, mid 70s. Peter Graves, Steven Hill, Leonard Nimoy – yes, Mr. Spock.
• Big Brother has been a thing since 1948 and George Orwell’s 1984. We read this in high school, and if you didn’t, please read it now.
• It’s 10pm, do you know where your children are? Yes, we were never home.
• Skateboards were totally a thing.
• Yes, suburban moms went to the pool, worshiped the sun with oil and reflectors, and flirted shamelessly with the jacked up lifeguards.
• My parents’ house cost $48,000 in New York, on Long Island. Yes, Mike’s family could afford that house.
• Steve could be a coach/sex ed teacher easily without college. My friend substituted in his small town with a high school diploma. A coach was hired for his coaching skill and given a class, usually health or whatever was considered sex-ed at that time. Hell, I taught biological reproduction as a substitute with a high school diploma in 1987!
• We played D&D in school and in our parents’ basements. However in my case we did not use little figures – it was all books and papers, graph paper, and homemade maps.
• We lived on TV dinners and Tang.
• We called the corner store a luncheonette. There was a counter and real glasses for milkshakes and egg creams. It was right next to Kenny’s. When Kenny retired form the drug store, we still called it Kenny’s. Same with the deli. Hell, it’s a baby furniture store now, and I still call it Kenny’s!

And another thing do you think if it weren’t actually the finale that the Duffer Brothers and Netflix would have paid Prince’s estate for the use of not one, but two songs?! He licenses nothing – this was a big deal.,

Take your theories and write some fan fiction.

In the immortal words of Ferris, it’s over. Go home.