Schrodinger’s Virus


We’re all hunkered down and staying home as much as possible. My husband works from home, so I do the majority of the going out and getting the groceries and supplies, medicine, etc.

I will occasionally grab a burger or a cup of tea and spend a quiet ten minutes in my car. Milk is probably the biggest thing that we run out of, but overall we’re well prepared and not overstocked. While we’ve indulged in a couple of take-outs to support our local restaurants, we primarily cook daily. The kids kind of fend for themselves for breakfast and lunch (in the house) with stuff that we’ve got on hand – oatmeal, frozen bagels, cereal, mac & cheese, cup of noodles, pbj, and the like.

I was hanging out in my living room (where else would I be?), making the list for Easter shopping, trying to decide if my son will visit, maybe just for the egg hunt since it’s easier to keep our distance searching for eggs in the yard, and he can then take dinner home for himself and his girlfriend. While making the shopping list, I was also scrolling through Facebook, and I made a discovery.

The drive through that I went to for lunch before I went grocery shopping on March 31st was flagged. Anyone who went there may have been exposed to covid-19 and should isolate for 14 days.

I read it again.

That was me.

I was there. Was I? I looked back at the day I went to the store, and I knew it was on a Tuesday because the grocery store had a special sale on Tuesday that I intentionally went there for. So, I was definitely there on that day, and at that time. I still tried to look for the receipt; maybe I missed the window of exposure.

I couldn’t find the receipt.

So, okay. I may have been exposed. But I may not have been.

How do I feel?

Fine. I feel fine.

I found this out on Day 8 of the 14 days from possible exposure.

Now, I stay away from my family. I stopped doing the cooking. I haven’t left the house. Yesterday, I didn’t even leave my room. I’ve already told my husband that he will have to cook Easter dinner.

But it’s still a weird feeling.

Am I infected? Or not?

Am I overreacting? Being paranoid? A hypochondriac? My family thinks so; a little bit.

Was that shortness of breath my weight or covid?

That cough? Was I coughing before I went through the drive through?

Is that headache a symptom? An allergy? Do I even have allergies?

Will I go fourteen days and then feel sick? Will I be one of the many asymptomatic carriers?

I know my blood pressure has gone up. How could it have not?

I’m breathing deep. I’m reading. I’m being prayerful.

But I’m also listening to every wheeze, every clearing of my throat. I touch my forehead about ten times a day looking for a slight fever. The news report said to isolate for fourteen days, but only call your doctor if you have symptoms. No symptoms, so no test. No treatment. No reassurance that I’m negative. No hugs for my kids.

It’s infuriating. It’s scary. It’s the unknown and I can’t reconcile my logical mind with my emotional one. Is this how the rest of the year will go? Exposure – wait – brief relief?

I just wait for each day to pass. A tally mark on each day until I count to fourteen. When this posts, it will be day 11. Three more days that feel more like an eternity.

Every ache leaves me wondering though, worrying.

Should I write my will?

But I feel fine.

So, here I am: Not infected, but maybe infected.

I’ll update on Wednesday – that will be day 15.

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