The only unfulfilled love I’m willing to talk about openly is writing. And the realization that the love affair will never be reciprocated hurts just as much as that first time someone came out and said, “I like you. I just don’t like-like you.”
Writing will never like-like me. I’m too old, and it’s not that I’m too old as much as born at the wrong time – the non-generation. I’m not a baby boomer. I’m not a Me. I’m too old to be a Gen-Xer. Or Y and Z for that matter. I missed the computer age – I didn’t even have a computer until I got married and I was forty-one before I actually owned my own – a laptop, which took me a year to finally use with any kind of regularity. My kids know the VCR as the machine next to the TV that has never worked.
I read Julie Andrews autobiography recently. She grew up in the fifties, and I was sad to discover that her voice is my voice. That’s how I write. Very formally, describing how the leaves rest on the rooftop, narrative on top of narrative with very little emotion unless it’s purple prose. I write like someone who grew up in the fifties, only I have no story to tell. My parents weren’t alcoholics, I did not overcome drug abuse, I wasn’t abused or molested. My parents sent me to college. I lived at home until I got married.
This non-generation of girls was expected to grow up, be prim and proper, but still know everything, go to school, college and be anything you wanted, anything boys could be even President of the United States. At least until you got married and had kids and in that order. And when the kids were in high school you could go back to work because women were independent now.
You can’t be a writer. A writer is impractical. And they drink. They don’t have two nickels to rub together either.
Get a degree and then you can write.
Get married. You can write later.
You’re still young. You can’t wait to have kids. Writing will always be there.
Well, guess what?
Writing didn’t wait for me. Writing found someone else. Writing computerized. Modernized. Writing grew up, and changed with the times where it needed to. More do it yourself. More travel. More health care and fitness. New writers came along. Younger and prettier and having seen people like me get left behind knew just what to do to keep up.
Writing won’t ever come back for me, and I just can’t catch up. My writing is tired and old; timid. Like me.
My best friend, like any good friend, pushes me towards the love that got away, prods, challenges, shames, but he can only push so far. I keep my hand on the ledge. I don’t know what’s down there. I lean over, but I can’t see very far, and what I can see is dizzying.
What if I fall?
What if I catch up to writing and I’m just not good enough? Staying back and wondering is better than being rejected again, isn’t it?
Isn’t it?
Griffins and Ginger Snaps 
Great commentary, and I don’t find your writing “timid;” it is introspective, full of concern and doubt and worry. Your post reminds me *exactly* of the protagonist in any good story, right before the beginning of the climax. You are outnumbered, outsmarted perhaps, certainly outside of your comfort zone and full of self-doubt. What you are not — or should not be — is undetermined!
I’ve written many poems and stories, most of them unpublished — unless using an old, cheap inkjet counts as “publishing.” And when it comes to writing, rejection is normal. All great writers (Stephen King, Steinbeck, Updike etc.) have been rejected, at least once, usually multiple times, some during their entire lifetime (Emily Dickenson did not become famous until after her death, and even Shakespeare was considered subpar compared to some contemporaries like Marlowe).
I’m a bit of a pessimist, a self-deprecateur (if I may make up a word?); when people who actually enjoy my writing ask why I don’t write the next great American novel (a dream of mine), I always say: “I’m under 30; I don’t have enough life experience to write something like that.” You, however, being too-young-for-baby-boomers, yet too-old-for-Gen-Xers, seem in a perfect spot. You might not have had a bad., dysfunctional life, but you have still had a life. You have still learned things, possibly the hard way, or come to realizations your younger-self would never have thought possible (even if it did appear on 20/20 or the NY Times).
My advice, as a 28-year-old who actually remembers life before the PC and DVDs (I still own a VCR, by the way, which also does not work): don’t quit. You might be surprised at what you’re pen spits out (or your typewriter or computer).
Congrats on the FP, which itself says that you are cutting yourself short.
Thank you.
I don’t think your writing is old & tired at all… And judging by how many “likes” you have, I think I can safely say that I’m not alone in my opinion…
I’m sure your writing is glad that he waited for you!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
The above comment is right. He did really wait for you for so long then welcomed you with a “Freshly Pressed” present.
🙂
Thank you.
I “like-like” your writings! Cheer up and keep writing more in this year!
Thank you.
WRITE!
🙂
Very well said- Been through the same experience
Thanks.
I hear a lot of what you say, Kb.
My yearn has been in cartooning, but I’ve never really caught the bus.
Well, not for any long trips. I’ve had many short hops, but no lengthy runs, and so many other cartoonists I know get big gigs.
But don’t be put off by this, Kb, especially if you’re judging your own ability or chances.
Let others judge your work, never do it yourself. And who cares what they think anyway. Their thoughts will never harm you.
But, at the very least, get out there and create. Get in the swing of it and start pushing it over peoples desks.
Gather as many rejection slips as you can, because each one takes you a step closer to success.
All in my humble opinion.
http://cartoonmick.wordpress.com/
Cheers
Mick.
Well rejection is scary, but I suppose you should give it a go any way! You don’t have to march right up to your “love” and try to sweep it off it’s feet at once. I think you should take it slow, befriend your “love”, get comfortable around it and hopefully, you shall win it over! So, good luck! And a happy 2013.. 🙂
You know Marquez came from the 20s and Paulo Coelho is also very old. Marquez is in his 90s and I read a bit of Living to Tell the Tale (’cause I was lazy) but his autobiography reached me though he came from a time when TV was even a luxury. And I am a child from the 90s so you see writing grew up and found newer outlets but your experience matters. Keep at it. You are still alive and your experiences are valuable so don’t quit.
..is there ever an any too old to do anything?? besides..classic is never passe 🙂
You should write.(This blog is a good thing!)
I believe it is never to old to be someone/do something new. 🙂 All the best!
Do you remember Prof Harold Hill in the Music Man? You haven’t gotten away without writing; you’ve gotten away without typing. All along I am sure you’ve been using the “think method”.”Writing” in your head and dreams, waiting for the invitation to “play”. Write on, but write for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a career to be a passion, though it may ultimately come to that. And, stop and look at how many “likes” are available for prim and tidy writing…and a Freshly Pressed honor, to boot. Congrats.
Good post………
Anna Sewell was 57 when she published Black Beauty.
you’ve got a great niche there! Keep going.
Thanks for your insight and encouragement to write now and not later!
I have a challenge in postponing my writing. I feel inspired by your post. Thank you for this.
Keep writing!
I’m not sure which is better, but I do know two things: a) You write pretty well. b) All those young people are writing about romance and murder, and after a while, it gets pretty boring. So, someone who will write something else, will probably be very much appreciated.
I started reading and would have been upset if I didn’t get to the end,,,I wanted to keep reading. You have what I don’t, life experience.
All limitations are self imposed.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ~
Well, I like-like your writing.
I found your slightly sarcastic blog post interesting. Well, yes some of us (me included) didn’t drink and lead super wild younger life. But it DOES help to have travel/live elsewhere or at least include friends in your social circle who are quite different in their upbringing /background than yourself.
This all can inspire writing. The trouble is that some of us have experienced life stuff that has been complicated/controversial but just haven’t taken the energy to lay it out on the table in an inspiring without sounding like a drone. That would be me.
Happy New Year!
This is a very nice piece……
I think writing can love you back. I started my blog to chronicle some of my life issues with my relationship. And when I look back at the first article at wrote, the words brings me back that place of love and euphoria. And sometimes when i read articles that other people wrote, I can “feel it” sometimes.
Reblogged this on misentopop.
And you just showed us all how beautifully you write 🙂
What a great post. I would quote the very over-quoted Stephen Stills line “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey love the one you’re with” but it doesn’t fit. Unrequited Love shows that you’ve tamed the relationship and introduced that love to the world. Okay, I’m out of hokey things to say, except that I really like this post. Best Wishes!
Judging from what you’ve written here, writing may still give you a chance:) Well done.
None of us are good enough. I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
And if you write like someone of your generation, remember that people of your generation read. They might like to hear someone who speaks in a voice that is resonant for them.
haha wonderful little read!
Good post!
The answer, I believe, is ‘no’. Write always.
“Again”?
Oh dear. I worry about this all the time 😦
This post spoke to me………… and I never knew!
Love Denise
Everybody fails at writing some time. You just keep going, improving the techniques until you have publsihable work. It’s all about stamina and thick skin.
You “ain’t” the only loveable codger out here! Sounds a little like me, except I suspect you are a girl…err, a woman. Great Post—But You Are Writing and people seem to enjoy it. Better than publishing a book you wanted to, and then almost nobody bought it (that’s ME!). “Ain’t” blogging great? Some of my poetry is about unrequited love. Come see! bythemightymumford.wordpress.com—got some archives to look through, too!
Well, I’d say writing likes you! This piece grabbed me and held me until the end, and I’m as fickle as they come! Please keep going.
Reblogged this on go find yourself. and commented:
Beautiful. And sad. But honest.
I like-like your writing, too. I believe you have a story. It can be fiction, it can be yours. Either way, it should be written. Good luck to you – and keep us posted as you take that dive!
Just do it anyway… your own unique groove will find you… when you can’t stop no matter what the world is doing or what anyone says, you are there. Judging by this post, in my opinion, you are already “there.” Just keep doing what you are doing, there will always be naysayers but no one would ever achieve a thing creatively if they had listened to those. Write On!
I tend to feel this way all the time. Keep writing, you’re great 🙂
I loved your post. It hits home for me. I often feel stunned, unable to write. It’s not necessarily writer’s block, but like I’ve missed the train.
At times where that feels overwhelming, I just have to take a step back and recognize that this is it. This is the one chance I have to do what makes me happy and make the most of it. It sounds grandiose, but if writing makes you more complete, you have to do it. But don’t let it bully you.
Even if it’s just a little bit, even if it’s just a comment on someone else’s blog, I find that writing a little bit as often as possible gives a sense of accomplishment and greater understanding of the kind of writer I was, am and want to be.
So, in closing, keep it up. You’re more than you’re giving yourself credit for.
Be grateful you do not have awful tragedies to inspire your writing. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of embarrassing humiliating pieces that you could write well.
And don’t stress the age. There will always be someone older than you and someone younger. Someone more talented and others less. Just keep writing and you’ll find your voice
It’s funny- because for a whole host of reasons I’d rather have been born in the fifties. I would rather have been of a generation where the things you listed rang true of my childhood. But I am twenty one and I did not and will not ever be fortunate enough to have that. You, atleast get to experience the modern age; you are, afterall, blogging online. Your writing is not in the slightest bit timid, to which the likes this post has received is testament. I enjoyed your post and your writing style; you are also fortunate enough to have wisdom that young writers in this modern era, inevitably lack- don’t be too hard on yourself.
H x
your writing is fresh air…hardly timid and old…and if this old…i’d rather get the new old than the old new!!!
good luck!!!!
I absolutely needed to read this tonight. All of the reasons you mention as the reasons to not write in your earlier life are the very same reasons that exist for me today. Though mine are not reasons forced upon me by my generation’s expectation, but rather self-imposed and self-inflicted thanks to a lack of confidence in my ability. Add to that my driving desire to be a mom, be a wife, be a professional, and be everything to everyone around me. What I have found is that I somehow missed out on how to be everything that I can be for myself. Though you may have a place in a generation different from mine, I feel that women of varying ages can relate to this. I thank you for sharing!
I, too, grew up in the ’50s, a war baby, not a boomer. My life was a lot like yours, so normal, so “Happy Days,” so geared to everyone else’s expectations because that’s the way we women were raised back then. One of my blog posts from a few years ago is “How I never became a writer.” Yet despite it all, I’m here writing — and so are you. I’d love to be a rich and famous writer, but I don’t have the drive anymore. So I write for myself, as I’ve always done. And there are readers who enjoy what I write. That’s reward in itself. Write on!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
(Not) my thoughts exactly… And then again, how can people resist the temptation to write?! Not for me. Write, fail, write again. Wondering about the “if’s” shouldn’t be an option 😉
Very well written.